I always say, “God don’t make trash” which means he doesn’t give the birth defects, the autism, the gay gene, the vehement temper, the addiction, anxiety disorders, depression or disease we suffer with, because we are knit together perfectly in our mothers womb. And every single one of us shot out of a woman’s womb.  She may not have wanted you, but the big man upstairs certainly did.  He designed you with purpose in mind and expected yours, to think on truths from His Kingdom in Heaven.  It’s a contradiction of His power to curse something He created and throw away the original design.  However, the Kingdom of hell is all about making humans feel like garbage.  All satan needs is permission from us through unbelief.
A man or woman can reject their baby spiritually through thought, and therein lies the lawful permission for evil to afflict that child’s formation.  Ask any child who has been adopted if they struggle with rejection and you will hear a myriad of stories from him and the adoptive family about beliefs in abandonment and rejection despite the good upbringing received by surrogates.  But that sounds preposterous to the medical community, political programs and even some Christians who need to put such emphasis on their opinions in order to sway the mindsets of their followers. Followers become supporters of campaigns and marches and impeachments which are all fueled by the same confusion that stinks of rubbish.  The thinking becomes the problem, which is always founded on lack perceived by a person who snatched the goodness of God away to justify negative circumstances.
The very foster care system our country implements is meant to always reconcile the child with the parent who passed him off to strangers, stating that DNA makes that bond more powerful then love.  That however is based on foundational beliefs of the world that view procreation as a right, not a Holy responsibility.  It need not matter if the parents are incapable of emotionally bonding or connecting with their offspring, just that they provide food, shelter and clothing.  Most people would equate that to child neglect, unless of course that’s all they received from their family.
We have an epidemic of parents birthing children for next-to-nothing on the tax payers tab, and then it’s defined as acceptable lifestyle because it takes a village to continue the care.  That’s how ignorant dogma disrupts God’s plan and claims generations of children to be the responsibility of a system that can’t nurture and protect them.  Truth becomes lies and lies become truth for the kid who becomes the scapegoat of two people who just wanted to have unprotected sex.  Never mind that governmental intervention lacks spiritual understanding and creates dependents who are quicker to defend paychecks than the children supposed to be living off of them.  Should obligation fuel resentment toward a child from the parents, the little mind forms a compliant personality out of fear, praying for relief from mistreating authority figures.  God is only allowed to move as much as a persons free will allows Him, but unfortunately children base their belief of a judging God on a breached relationship with their own parents.
I had suicide thoughts by the time I reached age 7  because I had repressed my sexual abuse memories which had occurred between ages 3 and 6.  The spiritual damage had already been done and because I had no words to describe what was happening to me, my brain splintered the assault into its own compartments so that I wouldn’t replay the trauma.  However, anger at being trapped, silenced and violated turned inward and set as a deep depression, convincing me that I was born a defect. I was confused about my identity.  I believed God hated me because I was different, an outcast in my own home yet I had no recollect of why I felt dirty or shamed.  I just knew that men couldn’t be trusted but my little mind connected that to somehow being my fault.  The authority figures in my life didn’t protect me and I was fearful of punishment from them which I transferred to God.  After all, my first introduction to sexual activity was through a “religious” parent who equated my worth to the level of submission I adherred to.  I cried myself to sleep most nights questioning why I was born and praying not to wake up in the mornings.
The enemy first attaches to unbelief either through the parent (womb assignment) or to the child through suggestion after birth. Satan suggests through a huge gamut of opportunities where a care taker breeches trust or rejects the child, resulting in unbelief in God.  Because we are all spiritual beings, this transference of emotion can occur in utero and become reinforced through any person who violates or obstructs the natural process of exploration. Therefore, the chasm between a developing child and God widens while satan causes mental confliction, suggesting that one must have been born with defects if he feels so different from everyone else. Perfect example is homosexuality.  Nobody wants to own up if they didn’t want a child but that unwantedness in the womb sets a child up to seek love and acceptance elsewhere. That rejection from their own family will be filled somehow, someway and the enemy knows this. Confusion never comes from God. So if a child is violated before the age of 7 when his little mind doesn’t have words to explain the sensations or fears that erupt in his body as someone else overpowers him through touch, threat, tone or any other manipulative entanglement, strong anxiety will produce cortisol and adrenaline meant to get him out of the situation.  If no reprieve or safety is found, the only option is for that child to take on the burden of physical and emotional stimulation, as something he caused and is confused by.
Too often, like in cases like mine, my abuser was my dad so I was deeply wounded within as to why God put me in a family where betrayal was the norm. The act of trauma was a layer upon the already existing unwantedness in the womb, and my unbelief in authority figures and God felt like the same betrayal.  The “I was born this way” thing happened to me because I foundationally felt like something was wrong with me.  As far back as I could remember, I was drawn to females but felt guilty about it.  My confusion over longings, feelings and dis-interest in men lied to me about who I was because society was telling me who I shouldn’t be. The anger for being the unaccepted scapegoat at home created Great Depression and I believed God was punishing me through guilt.  The chasm between God and myself grew because expression of inner conflict or turmoil was perceived as a reflection on my parents which they always flipped back on me for being defiant, a quieting of my voice out their fear of being found out.  Hence, suicide seemed like relief from my identity in deviancy that shamed me into secrecy.
God can’t produce a bad situation in hopes of twisting our arm to look toward Him for relief. I have sincere compassion for the gay community but don’t condone it, however I never use Jesus as an argument either. I have worked with numerous teens who struggle with gender identity issues and have witnessed them turn from feeling gay into living heterosexual lives. It always comes from Holy Spirit healing their childhood wounds and bringing truth to the lies they believe about being un-wanted, abandoned and rejected.
I think of a story my adopted daughter told me about whose tribe lived in such peace that they seldom had outbursts of anger and blessed their children daily. The interesting thing is, that some missionaries came in to “indoctrinate” the tribe with western religion and “get them saved” without considering that they already were.  In Western religious arrogance, the missionaries assumed that the correct words for salvation weren’t being used and that it was their job to play Holy Spirit. Yet the tribe changed the hearts of the missionaries through innate example, a connection directly related to heaven. Whenever one of their tribesmen made a mistake, sinned as we call it, the rest of the group would gather and encircle him. They would make declarations of who he really was in the sight of God. No questions. Just affirmations, “this sin is not who you are, you are a man of valor, an honest patriarch”. “You are worthy, you were wanted by God in your mothers womb, you have a destiny nobody else can fulfill, you are loved in every action despite if you believe it or not”.  And so the rich joy and laughter that emanated from that tribe opened the eyes of the missionaries who had never seen such faith exemplified to them like that before.
There was little sickness, no gender identity issues, no fist throwing brawls or abusive acts or language because they lacked religious dogma and simply passed down the love they knew from generation to generation.  The best part was that they protected their children through alliances of body language.  A look would indicate “get behind me” as the parent would defend a strangers interrogation.  That sounds incredibly close to the Bible stating, “a strangers voice I will not follow”.  This tribe was activating the presence of Holy Spirit and being led into honor of each new generation because they cultivated it over and over again.  Children were their joy because they took responsibility for guiding them into truth, the truth of God wanting them long before the parents even procreated.
I don’t know if that’s possible in America where popping pills is the new money making anecdote and the rise of psychiatric hospital exams indicate that many people feel vulnerable to someone else in authority, to tell them who they really are.  Nobody stable was able to shower them with love and acceptance from a heavenly perspective when their little minds were forming dogma about themselves. That dogma gets reiterated through the very adults who blame them for distraction in their own lives, all the while making religion the tight rope of sanctification. My belief is that most today are the walking wounded. I relate emotional ineptness to being the crux of why the masses are spiritually dead and deprived of hope, sitting in their living rooms watching “The walking dead”.  Numbing out and sticking ones head in the sand of denial is hardly abundant living, but it is easier than looking at what has died within us. Some were rejected at conception, others at birth, and then the rest, shortly after our existence in this world while still toddlers. Make no mistake, evil has always tried to disprove the love and kindness of God by suggesting that he leaves his kids out to dry. The serpent questioned Adam and Eve with confusion when he asked, “are you sure that’s what God said”? God has been the blame for every wayward behavior since, and now His children are walking around feeling conflicted in their souls because they don’t know He is for them, not against them.
Suicide, homosexuality, addiction, psychological disturbances, birth defects and anything that could stir disturbance in our faith and have us question God, “are you sure you made me this way”, is how the gospel gets tainted with ideologies which make God both good and bad. I believe the enemy hopes to cause children to self destruct by the time they hit adulthood.  I have teams of doctors tell me that I should be rocking myself in the fetal position in a corner rather than being the overcomer I am today. I know that it is because my Daddy in heaven doesn’t make trash. He didn’t give me any of that confusion, nor did he abandon me when I believed He did. Through my relationship with Jesus I slowly found out who I was created to be, an accepted daughter who was wanted and loved. That is the message I hope to bring to those who are conflicted over their worth and purpose for being on this earth. I pray I have a chance to encircle them with declarations and that the power of truth breaks off the lies of the enemy who holds them in mental bondage because once the mind is set free, the joy manifests that they are free indeed.


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