I’m leaking

Draw a line down the paper and write from the younger side on the left with the Left hand. Being left behind. Being insignificant. I don’t have what it takes to compete so I give up. I’m not ok, I’m leaking.  Visit the inner child.

On the right side of the paper write from your perspective now.  Speak to her as the adult. Make it ok. We can’t change it. My healing is mandatory. Nothing happens in my life without me. Return to pain.

LEFT: Destroying my favorite things. I hate myself. I feel fed up.

RIGHT:  It discredits me if I appear to be a loser christian like all those I have judged. Address the emotion in the moment to tame it. Hand it over to Jesus.  GUILT.

RIGHT:  In the midst of him touching me I can share my anxiety, the familiar tension instead of screaming no. I have to help him understand as my partner. Feel the pain and name it. SHAME.

Balance comes from feeling not denying emotion because it festers, name the pain. Don’t shove it because I will overflow like a volcano. It has less to do with the person in front of me but more with the person inside of my soul.

When I tend to me I am less agitated.

Slow down when I eat. Feel my chewing.

Wait before I react and then give myself permission to be angry.  God understands I have a lot to be angry about.  Hand the anger, the guilt, and shame over to Jesus.

Take my time to recognize I’m alive and was never the problem. I can channel joy and peace for myself. I’m not trapped.

I’m not the scapegoat.

I no longer want to relate to being a scapegoat.

I am leaking on the inside and I need Daddy God to soak up the pain of memories that have lied to me for so long.

I can feel, I can release, I can heal from the inside out.

I am not that little girl anymore.

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