I dreamt that dinosaurs left three mountains of poop in my backyard that I had to climb over. I rested in between each pile of dung for a moment before trying to climb the next one. After I finally got over the third mountain the dinosaurs would pace back and forth keeping me hedged in. I hid under the poop out of fear of the big monsters trampling me because I was so small. Even though I hated the stench and could see the field I wanted to run across, I was debilitated by my fear of the size of these giants. This recurring dream haunted me as a child and the details are as vivid today as the time I first saw them. To my astonishment, I can look back as an adult and realize Daddy met the inner healing need I had during my waking hours so that the nightmare would cease one day. This dream has been used to prophetically aid me in my life’s journey because of the message it continuously speaks to my purpose and the ability to overcome the enemy of my soul. It is no accident that I ventured into therapy and behavioral psychology to make sense of emotional pain I suffered as a child. What blows my mind even more, is that I have grown into a truth seeker who uses my wildest dreams to define and decipher the problems we have as spiritual beings under a worlds way of doing things. This is a conglomerate way of making sense of two worlds that collide every second.
When I was studying family and health behavioral sciences in college I intended to make sense of all the crazy I lived through as a child living in an abusive family, but at that time did not dream much anymore. The best way for me to utilize power that I believed had been stripped of me when I was younger, was to become an advocate for children when I was finally an adult. Post graduation I was the chic who would remove children from their abusive homes and monitor their visits with parents who were making strides in their own rehabilitation in order for the child’s return. Anger fueled much of my drive that almost always had me recommend the child be placed in protective care elsewhere.
Since that role triggered my own emotional state I started to dream again, most of the time having “bathroom dreams”. I would always be looking frantically for a bathroom but resort to using the only free-standing toilet I could find that always sat in the middle of a large room without privacy. The commode would overflow or my quest to relieve myself would be shamefully uncovered as people would appear. Humiliation and fear often accompanied my pursuit of an enclosed bathroom stall and I would wake up feeling confused. The essence of bathroom dreams is to speak of the needed cleansing the dreamer believes she needs in her waking hours. While working with children who were victimized and trapped, my own inner child was searching for safety from the shame of my own upbringing. Although the bathroom dreams disturbed me, they still pointed toward my need of wholeness through an avenue I hadn’t yet embraced.
My second psychological position in the career world was working with autistic children. My certification was granted under the Lovaas curriculum in which I worked with a team of therapists to ignite play, behavioral repetition and social skills with children who had tendencies to exhibit self stimulating movements after diagnosis of autism. I began having a lot of teaching dreams during this time which confirmed my purpose in life and led me into Christianity. My dream world aided choices I faced in my daily routine with the children. Without realizing just how significant dreams were to my destiny, I began to contemplate my future impact in this area of therapy and helping families who were overwhelmed with this rare phenomena of childhood diagnosis.
I was taught that autism was genetic but often saw that the statistics didn’t measure up. There was a lead we followed for a while that indicated when genius parents procreate they predominately produced autistic children, but that has since backfired once affliction of the disorder crossed into demographics of poverty-struck parents or those with a low IQ. Determining who was intelligent compared to the next guy was subjective at best and in my opinion, an attempt to draw straws at possibilities. Sometimes, colleagues would suggest genetic research on both parents with autistic twins because they wanted to gain an edge on scientific data. However, that became a very uncomfortable argument inside the therapy room when parents turned on each other for being the one “responsible” for their child’s problem. I heard a lot of, “well he gets it from your side obviously”. The fact that blame was introduced between spouses and families gave way to a deeper spiritual assault intended to break down the possibility of solutions, therefore igniting hopelessness. Inside, I knew that any connection to genealogy would have to remain ambivalent and mysterious in order to convince the majority of the population that autism was grandiose in nature.
Needless to say, I spent countless weeks working one-on-one with children, sometimes with twins who exhibited a wide range of adaptability to normal social settings, but they had vaccines dispersed further apart from each other than the children who get the MMR and the additional nine recommendations today. I kept up with research of autistic protocols and remedies which piqued my curiosity in the medical industry. After one year of nursing school and simultaneously working with families as a private therapist to their autistic children, Daddy changed the course of my direction. He told me as I was assigned my internship that He did not call me to nursing. I wasn’t completely shocked so I turned my scrubs in and walked out the door. I get it now, I needed to put my experience into practice and learning about the theology of a medical approach to healing was only half of what God wanted to teach me. Besides, He knew the future constraints of routine vaccinations for a nursing job would never sit right with me, so His leading spared me another degree that would be usurped by the worlds viewpoint. I spent the next three years as a teacher for children with special needs and revamped the autistic program for an urban school just outside of Baltimore City.
Then I had a dream. The Lord’s voice spoke and told me that Autism would be a man-made epidemic and that my understanding of it would be discredited and rebutted, but nonetheless He would back me up with His truth. I was instructed to observe the effects of vaccines on the behaviors of the entire family when a loved one was diagnosed. That was 2o years ago. I have since used my night dreams to determine the steps I take in the natural and He has led me into awareness of spiritual strongholds that I would face in doing so. It has been hard to explain, but some of the deepest revelations about our world systems, came to me as I slept. Knowing that Daddy will offer me a strategy to rest in despite the different authorities or professionals who went on to obtain medical titles, I hold onto what He spoke. In fact, the warning dream of vaccines back then seemed like a far cry to me, until I witnessed the devastation of parents whose houses I cleaned while running my own business.
After re-vamping the autistic program and being active in the classroom, the Lord gave me a dream to open up a cleaning business. I had step-by-step instruction of what to do and when I woke up I designed flyers on my computer just as I had seen in my dream. The next day I dispersed them in neighborhoods. The third day I booked my first job and by the fourth day, I was cleaning a mansion. When the client wrote out the check to my business name I realized I had to legitimize my dream. Friday morning I arose and went to the bank to obtain my business account and was fully operating in one weeks time, exactly as the dream had prophesied. What I did not realise was the set-up for further education that Daddy had set before me; the very raw reality of emotional pain from an insider’s view, as families I loved, learned their children were autistic. My eyes were able to witness the devastation of autistic diagnosis for dozens of parents over a span of 12 years, and it increased exponentially each year. It seemed my knowledge from a dream I had, was coming into fruition, but I felt helpless as the only path toward betterment for these families was an expensive approach mandated by a medical system that had no concrete answers as to why their child was different.
Many of them who lost their drive to parent gave way to outside experts coming into their homes for exorbitant fees just to tell them what to do. I prayed for insight from my dream and for moments to offer truth that could settle the racing concerns of future costs ramping up while plans of normalcy eluded these moms and dads.
I remember watching a pastor and her husband bring in occupational therapists and speech pathologists to clean out their cupboards, introduce gluten-free diets and start a projector of study on their second child. Their first child was neglected at best and definitely scolded on a consistent basis because the afflicted brother needed special attention. None of that was noted of course, because rightfully so, the parents were under extreme stress and would often rest on the diagnosis of this outsider to label their child, while they were holding their breath in front of “professional company.” This was the subtle introduction of the enemy stealing Gods ability to speak to these families. If evil could be masked in a form of authority that usurped a parent’s ability to decide on the betterment of his child, then trusting any counter small voice, especially God’s, would be impossible at best. My therapy senses flared in moments like these because worry and fear quickly stirred-up reactions that pointed people toward a false remedy that would produce its own ramifications that further strain the family unit. You simply can’t change something without producing a new situation from arising that will demand attention. This is where one child feels non-existent or abandoned while the other is favored or nit-picked, and the shift of “putting out fires” becomes an elusive and exhausting cycle.
As an outsider I watched the disconnection progress between the oldest son and his parents as the younger one become an argument between them, the in-laws and therapy approaches. It makes perfect sense to me that decisions made by medicine to vaccinate children, is another assignment for evil to breakdown love and connection within the confines of family. The idea is not a new one, it has just picked up the pace in causing disconnection between God and His people. If those researching genetic connection to autism would be able to understand the spiritual connection God intends to have with His sons and daughters, they would be heartbroken over the blame it places on parents who planned to create a family in hopes of a future. But that is not the role of medicine for in many ways it believes it is helping the patients. It is our job as Christians however, if we are the patient, to continuously listen for Daddy’s instruction of what we are to do.
As years went by and the increase of clients whom I had grown to love started following this same mandate of protocol to “heal” their autistic children, my influence of prayer became my only solace to aid these families in their pain of losing connection with their baby after obtaining a vaccination. One day their child was making eye contact, playing with others and engaging in responses, to the next day being glazed over and “somehow off”. Words like “integration” and “inclusion” were introduced simultaneously with the child’s name. Allergies, structure and shadowing became focal issues second to medication that were padding the pockets of pharmaceutical companies. Let’s not overlook the taxation of teacher responsibility concerning “special needs” placed in the public classroom by governmental initiatives. Teachers were blamed when behavioral rifts could not be contained with their limited knowledge of adapting to “equal education”. The learning curve for educators proved to be its own handicap, further frustrating the family who had to keep abreast of progress with IEP charts at the schools. Para-professionals were hired just to maintain qualifications of the newly imposed ABA requirements, often without any licensure of their own to equip them for autistic understanding. This indeed was an unfolding epidemic that I had privy insight to because of my personal observations as a therapist and watching the family behaviors inside their homes as a housekeeper. Unfortunately, many of my clients were concerned I was “out of practise” because I was currently in their home for one reason, not the other.
In the case of the pastor, she dismissed any insight I offered because I was of a different denomination, and after-all, the lady who cleaned her toilets. But I watched her faith tremble and then dampen into an apathetic understanding of the Lord giving her this problem to teach her a lesson. Sadly, many friends had to shut me out because I pointed out the change that took place after a vaccine was administered, and they were desensitized by media that opposed it was a growing problem. To challenge a doctor was unheard of, but challenging my experience with the modern-day epidemic, made my quest for answers an easy dismissal. Believers from all denominations agreed on one thing, that God must have willed them to endure this crisis and that my rebuttal of such non-sense indeed proved I was wrong.
I knew I wasn’t wrong because of the word Daddy spoke in my dream. I didn’t need to be right. I didn’t need to argue the rationale of the medical industry, I already knew their position was to maintain life, not heal it. I was just questioning the solutions available to parents who were doubting the ability for God to still be with them during a difficult process. What if it wasn’t His intention for these children to be impaired and unable to grow up as other children? What if medicine and vaccines were very much a sign of the times and the plan of the enemy to steal, kill and destroy living life abundantly? Why would we not accuse satan if he obviously afflicts in more ways than one? And why do we suddenly have mass proportions of children diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder or a sub-type of it when just 50 years ago it was unheard of?
Aren’t we suppose to know who our adversary is and how he works? Isn’t it a tell-tale sign that he stands behind lack in all areas where darkness manifests? His job is to remove himself as the target and morph into a system of accusation against mankind. “Are you sure you didn’t pass this disorder down to your child,” he asks? “But don’t worry because everyone else is going through the same frustrations, all you have to do is realise our way is the proven way which has satisfied numerous consumers”. And family connection is usurped by a system who profits when people pick up the blame. For those of us who pray, we become the scapegoats for exposing a curse-line that isn’t even real. When our options become limited to just two choices; the way that seems easily accessible or the challenging way that is risky and lonely, doesn’t the adversary bet on the masses following each other like sheep? I believe that makes the risk to think differently, to oppose the world’s anecdotes, God’s way.
His ways after all, are much higher than ours. If in fact, He gives us dreams for a healthy family and continues to remind us of our childhood dreams throughout life, and further directs our steps with night dreams that reveal inner healing needs over lost dreams, than He can use even our worst nightmare to reconnect us to our wildest hopes and dreams so they come true. My study of behavioral psychology was another avenue that The Lord used to connect with my broken heart that felt I wasn’t given a fair shot at life. In many ways my life journey has been determined through an intimate connection that I have had with Daddy since the beginning of time. His ability to connect with me when I came up against conglomerate mindsets of old that function as decision makers for the worlds system, has been a constant reminder of my recurring dinosaur dream as a little girl. I have surrounded myself with children and adults who represent that very struggle when they learn a loved one has autism. Each day can be like climbing over a pile of dung just to see two more obstacles ahead as you pause in the valley of the shadow of death, but once freedom is tasted one will never fear dreaming again.
The authorities are the very conglomerates who stomped the life out of me in my childhood nightmare, the system today that tramples any adult who hopes vaccines aren’t the culprit of their child’s prognosis. They are the dinosaurs of the past, old ways of thinking that have become strongholds because we have given them authority by playing by their rules. And so the hope of freedom, after going up and down through the problems of life, gets put off every time something more powerful plays on fear and intimidation that requires us to put up with their crappy solutions to a problem they created in the first place. Unfortunately, when it looks like an opportunity to run free is before us, we are too exhausted to fight them so we hover low under a dung heap of lies. We don’t trust or believe we can come up with our own strategy based on faith because the only solution seems to be what the media has fed us. Somehow the very nature of their existence has us second guess our ability to think for ourselves or seek God for direction.
My dream reveals that disillusionment with the worlds answer is a good thing, because as a small child I learned that I didn’t need to fear someone bigger or supposedly smarter with more power or position to give me my freedom. In every dream it reveals the possibility of abundant life from a heavenly perspective. My career choices and experiences lend to the same truth, that I have and will continue to overcome the enemy’s ways of deceiving people who are in emotional pain. The great medical and political powers have created ABA certification as the new standard for controlling what parents have to learn from their insured providers for understanding their child whom they can no longer connect with.
Autism being discussed from vaccine vantage point could cause you to lose your job or at the very least be trampled on by the big business of course selection at any University charging you thousands of dollars to think “their” way. Who questions what they are learning if it is backed up by scientific research, statistics, media, bullying and new standards unless they have already climbed over mountains of crap to realize a dream given to them by God still rings true 20 years later? I do, and so do others who are dreamers in an era that questions originality. Being labeled as the small child who has to accept succumbing to stinking thinking didn’t fit back then once Daddy’s revealed truth set me free, so I’m not going to revoke a journey of revelation all these years after freedom simply because it goes against the masses.
I believe The Lord told us in His word that satan moves in mass population so why would I bow down to false proof of a problem that opposes the God who leads through connection with His people? There will be no need for me to prove my findings or stand for a cause that I already know stands against the test of time. Vaccines are the sign of the times and so is the rise of every systematic agenda meant to keep people trusting in wrote procedures and remedies instead of Daddy. I fully rest in knowing that my own trauma has been turned around for the good of God’s redeeming purposes and never would I attribute any of my suffering, or those of others to His will or intention of our learning a lesson. I have grown more by people negating my dreams and their interpretation than any text-book or rule of thumb a doctor presented. I have been accused of being an opinionated, has-been, one afraid to adapt to the new demands of education. In some regard, I think it is trite to assume any new wave of knowledge can reinvent the wheel of behavioral understanding apart from the Holy Spirit. So I couldn’t be more thankful for the position I find myself in, to be a loving advocate credentialed in experience and spiritual insight to make an impact on this world. And you too can seek the truth for the answers you need that may go against the grain or leave you feeling isolated. Don’t be discouraged by what you see in the natural, because everything answers to the ancient of days, the ONE who created the dinosaurs and established the separation of darkness from light. Live in the light because dreams can only come true when darkness is illuminated.
“Doing right is not the Christian answer, because doing wrong is not the problem. Doing wrong is only a symptom of the problem. The real problem is separation from God and each other.” False Assumptions.