I can’t believe green slime that glowed could be projectile vomited from deep within my body in such violent force. My symptoms of stabbing pain in my intestines and back were uncontrollable and came on without warning. My extremities became heavy and when dizziness made my head feel like it was spinning, I knew I had to get to the ER. I couldn’t even worry about embarrassment as I heaved into my barf bag in front of other patients, there was no stopping the sludge or the sound effects. It was a crowded night with about a 4 hour wait that I was sure would kill me. Pain has a funny way of concentrating all of your efforts on removing it. My ongoing joke with the Lord is, I can handle the physical ailments because I have had so many, but it’s the emotional pain that has me begging for pardon.
I put my ear buds in and started weeping as short intervals of calm came over my body while my worship music depicted a story that God wanted to unfold. Before my eyes, I saw the hearts of people laid bare; sorrow, confusion, mourning, fear and exhaustion because of circumstances that take your breath away. I was in a state of nostalgia as I began to pray over each person the things I heard the Spirit revealing about their real pain. I was learning more about myself during these waves of reprieve from bodily pain as I saw a little bit of me in all of them. I have been well acquainted with grief and until recently, only wanted to be rid of it. My deepest place of unrest has been in the psychosomatic manifestations that ly underneath the physical manifestations, much like all of the people I was surrounded by. I watched every single person get called back for treatment and felt honored to be called last, for in those five hours of intercession I had many of my own emotional needs met.
My team of Doctors had to address each issue as separate because the pain was radiating from so many different areas. The sent me for a CT scan, did my blood work, urine sample, hocked me up on morphine and periodically came in with updates. My white blood count was about 10,000 more than normal which indicated an infection from the ruptured ovary gave way to my lower intestinal pain, but they were more concerned with the kidney infection that was also causing pelvic inflammation. The last diagnosis of having diverticulitis seemed to need its own course to run once my other problems subsided. I suggested that all of them were inter-related and foundationally an emotional problem, after all I know myself and have struggles with female issues my whole life. When I further explained that abuse sets up women for numerous female “conditions”, they looked at me cockeyed. I explained the power of my own emotional grief being represented in the memories that my body holds onto from childhood. To my surprise the Doctors actually took notes and I was able to use my own story as an example.
I have no problem with transparency and have told numerous friends about the ramifications that sexual abuse can have on the body, especially for females. I am a hell of a lot better mentally and physically than I was before I moved to Georgia simply because I have had intention about healing my past memories. Before I lived in the South I was making up to three visits per week to the gynecologist for pain that was surfacing from a linked event of trauma in my childhood. This is the reason why I hope to pioneer research on un-wantedness in the womb that subsequently set’s one up for further evil attack meant to steal, kill and destroy the victim’s wholeness. If My Doctors saw the link to the spiritual precursor of my emotional pain, they would NOT have looked at my physical symptoms as separate entities. Everything matters and I shared with them that this is just another layer of emotional freedom that I have been offered because God desires for me to be healed just as much as I do, but it requires me to nourish my entire being, not just parts.
Needless to say it was sad leaving because I had drawn on the Lord’s strength for deeper connection to a hurting world. I actually got dressed slowly and stuck around to prophesy over my nurse and the women in the next room over. I still had pain and went home with a laundry list of my favorite foods that I can no longer eat but I gained another impartation of revelation and joy from the One who knows all that my mind, body and spirit has lived through. He was able to remind me of a girl I met at a healing conference 4 years ago who specifically prophesied my day of freedom from stomach and female issues in order for me to fulfill the call on my life. This came from a stranger who knew nothing about my sufferings. I walked out of that hospital knowing that this is another breakthrough in my healing. When I realized how many people had confirmed that they were praying for me I cried in Thanksgiving. He truly provides for everything we need, even the things we thought have come and gone or that don’t impact us anymore. Trust me when I say He can heal the pain you have suffered. He won’t stop bringing things up that need to be dealt with because you too have a purpose. Bless all of you for praying.