To pause and rest in Daddy’s presence is much different from getting a good night of sleep. It is slowing my pulse to the tempo of His heart, envisioning Him as my partner, my confidant and most importantly, my true love. He wipes my eyes of their tears over and over again, even when streams keep flowing. He doesn’t tire of my talking to Him even if I complain, demand solutions, mourn loss and want to cast stones. He patiently sits by my side and collects my tears, each one with its own attachment to an emotional story, a piece of pain that is too overwhelming for me to describe.
He is here, in the midst of my loneliness. He understands all the build up of memories that have created a reaction to my current circumstances. He doesn’t judge me for my viewpoint for He has been through all the disappointment and misperceptions of life with me. Only He gets all of the emotional entanglement that has my thoughts cross-reference with moments of the past that have resurfaced in themes I re-live, even when I don’t want to. He is here with me, I know, feel, and sense it but my heart still aches. I am still mourning what I fought so hard for in my own strength, the relationships I clung to for comfort because I was afraid of being alone. Yet the more I sought Him, the more I sat with Him, I realized it was Him all along whom I wanted.
I want true love, a resting peace in Daddy’s arms. I want to grasp how deep and wide His love is so that I can stop shutting the world out because I’m afraid of getting hurt. I want Him to prepare me for my encounters, arrange the divine appointments and help me glean the confirmation I need because of He and I already discussing the details. Nobody else knows better than He, of all the years I have spent seeking, praying and waiting for a partnership founded on Him. I must trust his cultivation of my future because of what He has done in my spirit so far. That unction deep within my chest to trust in what I can’t see, to let go of potential and plans and all matter of opinions and chase after Daddy is growing. Persuasion, striving, convincing, analyzing and discussing my thoughts with others, still brought me back to this moment of sitting in His presence wanting more, believing that my hearts desire has yet to be fulfilled. With Him all things are possible and so I hand Him over my desires for a godly relationship once again; I hear the keys on the piano of my background music and allow the One who knows me best, all my needs and hopes, to comfort me one more time.