Systematic Dependencies

I like to identify with the apostle Paul and boast in my weaknesses.  I do this because I’m not ashamed to boast in my Daddy’s strength.   I knew I always needed help in life, I just didn’t realize I needed a Savior to get it.   My many weaknesses took me down a road paved with anger and confusion that eventually turned and twisted into coping mechanisms which helped me maneuver through change until I hit a roadblock; Jesus.  Basically all of my introspection, striving and knowledge just heaped more information onto my shoulders instead of lifting the heavy load I carried off of them.   As far back as I can remember I have always suffered with mysterious ailments that would move to different places in my body.  I would have symptoms a mile long but any tests I had done would come back inconclusive or say that I was normal.  Clearly, something was wrong, but without a diagnosis nothing could be remedied.  I felt hindered and fed that belief with further thoughts of defeat and hopelessness.  At a young age I was full of despair and viewed myself as sick and weak.   How many of you know that what you believe about yourself impacts your actions? 

It’s no secret that the abuse I endured between the ages of 3 until 6 greatly influenced my view on life.  When a child lives through sexual trauma or any perceived threat, often times their brain “splinters” and creates a holding place for those events so that the child can cope through life without having to re-live the memory.  This may seem like good things at the time, but its here that demonic attachment occurs and lies are put in place so coping mechanisms emerge. The result creates unconscious ways for the child to protect himself from “never getting hurt again.”  Psychosomatic symptoms such as depression, bi-polar, and dissociation are by-products of one who has lived through an event or offense which gave spirits a legal right to attach itself for the sake of “false protection” from trauma happening again.  The lying spirits become both a friend and enemy to the victim, causing him to be hyper-vigilant and control his surroundings.   Satan’s ways are masked as the child represses the memories or “acts out” because of them, and the world fights a spiritual battle naturally.

 Daddy created our bodies and brain to bounce back from “pain” of events so it can heal itself.    Unfortunately, the body remembers every attack against it and stores the event in the very fiber of our being down to our cells.  This is why trauma and abuse victims can’t just get over the past, because often they can’t recall where it hides.  A slap, punch, push or inappropriate touch doesn’t just affect the body, it afflicts the emotions.  A cycle of remembrance starts on a spiritual level without the ability for the victim to retrieve peace or understanding in daily life.  Soon the person is walking out themes of familiarity that are demonically triggered which subsequently cause him to react outwardly; often causing others to react negatively in response because of their own demonic strongholds.  With thoughts overrun with confusion, betrayal, rejection, bitterness and anger, the enemy uses the demonic spirits to taunt the victim in areas that hurt most, giving need for both deliverance and inner healing.

Physicians are broken down into many fields based on expertise.  It is not by accident that in today’s society, many specialists are considering the emotional strength of their patients.  Inner healing work is necessary after deliverance but few practice it unless they are Christian; even then, dealing with spiritual oppression is overlooked.  Much research has been put into overcoming ones past and psychology is the pivotal field marked for success and destruction in equal proportion.  New Age beliefs are infiltrating facets of Western medicine just as fast as it defined Eastern medicine.  To protect the true wellness of people who have sustained trauma and hardship, medical treatment must be approached with spiritual healing of the emotions first, followed by expected physical healing.  The source of spiritual revelation comes through Christ, because all other sources are in fact lying spirits.  A deeper understanding of today’s psychological problems has prompted medical doctors at John’s Hopkins Hospital to partner with ministries like Global Awakening.  The goal is to research the underlying issues that plague the heart and mind and exercise prayer for healing.  Under the analysis of Dr. Gary Sweeten, Global Awakening is launching healing seminars, conferences and graduate courses that break down the need for deliverance, inner healing and physical healing.

Dr. Sweeten states, “There is a list of causes that contribute to organic disease and psychological problems in adulthood.  We call them A.C.E. or Adverse Childhood Events.

  1.  Recurrent physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
  2. Someone in family in prison. 
  3. The mother is being abused. 
  4. Someone in family is an alcoholic or drug addicted. 
  5. A parent is depressed or mentally ill. 
  6. One parent is absent.                                                                                                                                 

The more of the events one endures as a child the more physical and emotional ailments he/she will suffer as an adult.” Due to the spiritual assignment against me, I was afflicted physically and oppressed emotionally from the moment of conception.  I knew I was an unwanted child from birth, but I felt it even in the womb.   Living through most of these adverse traumatic events created questions about my identity and my ability to be loved.  The demonic realm was then allowed to influence my behavior as I grew up because of the consistent wounds I received from others which kept me bound to lies of rejection and loneliness.  I felt unwanted wherever I went.   Once I was convinced that something was wrong with me I battled with trusting in Daddy and fell victim to relying on natural remedies for overcoming supernatural problems. The trap I was in was first a spiritual one, then it manifested in the natural. 

The importance of honoring Christ as the Spiritual authority to wholeness is paramount when so many victims have been abused through other spiritual influences in hopes of relief.  A greater understanding of dismantling the “chief and ruling spirit” in a person’s life will be mandatory as Christians take back the territory of deliverance. Without getting rid of the spirit who rules our places of wounding, we will never impact the world to the degree of the miraculous in which we are called.  The stance of Christianity is accelerating into maturation. Pick up the cross of suffering for it will come through persecution of those who cannot see the spiritual times we are living in.  Do not answer the skeptics with reason for many do not want to acknowledge the schemes of the devil or his demons.  Wisdom is for those who grow up through the Spirit’s leading and carry out heaven’s plan even when it is opposed.  The manifestation of Luke 4:18 is a quick birth.  We do not offer anecdotes of the world; we bring total freedom from all areas of oppression. The depravity of peace and stability is on the rise and if we have the answers that Jesus did, our casting down of spiritual strongholds coupled with inner and physical healing, will be the release of heaven on earth.  It’s already begun and it will come through the church.

 It’s important to recognize that the moment of conception creates a spiritual being who will be greatly influenced by his/her spiritual surroundings despite his/her belief in them.  It is the rejection or obsession with the spiritual world that has caused Christians and non-believers alike to be skeptics of it.  However, one can look at the outcome of pain in a child’s life to see the effects of “un-known causes” to behavior and sickness that are not explained from Daddy’s perspective. What a child takes in through his/her senses greatly influences the subconscious and conscience mind.  Trials and tribulation are meant to break down the child so the enemy can remind him of the pain throughout life in similar circumstances.  These same moments or mental scarring can become the very source of strength from Daddy.  We are not meant to endure lifelong battles of hardship and wear them like heavy cloaks.  We are called to shed the heaviness of this world and it’s oppression as well as the self-condemnation that we heap on top of ourselves because of what we have walked through. In addressing the well-being of an individual we have to assess his situation spiritually first.  Everything comes down to a spiritual issue because we are spiritual beings.

Constant reminding of failures in thought life, topped with reinforcement of failure from persons closest to you, result in the physical and emotional sicknesses that births a cycle of re-traumatization.  This is both a spiritual and natural issue.  You see, we develop pathways of sickness by ruminating on bad memories…re-playing what has happened to us.  When we think about our abuses and suffering our body produces adrenaline and cortisol which throw our bodies out of whack.  That’s how serotonin levels fly off the charts and create chemical imbalances.  We weren’t born that way be God doesn’t make trash.  Any affliction we have at birth has a spiritual component, an assignment from the enemy to affect us our whole life so we never embrace the goodness of Daddy.   He is too good of a God for matters of darkness.   Sickness and trauma of any kind impact us spiritually through our focus on them.   A life of trauma and negative thoughts go directly to the Amagdyla which is part of the limbic system that processes emotion, and becomes reactive and overcome with confusion.  Limbic lag is created when you feel bad for so long that you don’t know how to feel good.  The Amagdyla stays in an agitated state, your hormones get affected, and then it produces chemicals in disproportionate levels causing legitimate mental imbalances that the world deems as psychosomatic illness.  Such was the case for me.  I do not remember having security or peace as a child.  I believed that God hated me because I lived through constant fear and turmoil.  When my mother left at the age of 7 requests for dying in my sleep became my plea as I cried myself to sleep.  I related best to depression.  The many times that I contemplated suicide throughout life I dismissed it out of fear of going to hell.  My Catholic upbringing seared images of greater pain in a fiery pit for eternity, and I was smart enough to resist damning myself even if life on earth seemed like my own hell. 

Depression however, repelled people from me and kept me in a constant state of sickness which required many prescriptions and doctors’ visits to numb my pain; isolation brought me false security and I did not trust anyone except medical professionals.  I longed for freedom from headaches, bruising, hormonal imbalances and hives.  I read numerous self-help books and would check off every symptom that described my mental state, resulting in all the problems defining me.  One could not argue if I was living out the result of physical, neglectful and sexual abuse for I was taking 7 meds a day by the time I was 33. When all of my memories returned to me at the age of 32, depression defined me and I could not cope with life.  For years I had prayed for freedom but in this year of despair, I grew sick and tired of taking medicine.  My desperation brought me to a healing conference where I walked into the sanctuary with the closing being preached by Bill Johnson.  It was Oct.31, 2008.  I said to myself, “Just get there even if it’s for the last 5 minutes.”  Everyone was standing and the sermon was wrapping up so I stood in the back.  Bill was relating to his message which I had no idea what it was about but my spirit was hopeful for the first time in my life.  He said he was going to count to three and we should all scream out to Daddy what we needed at this point in our life.  He said, “Pick up your knife and get back what the enemy has stolen from you.”  One, two, three and then I yelled, “Happiness.”  Everything in me wanted to know what happiness felt like.  Suddenly I fell to the floor and started to laugh uncontrollably.  I was literally rolling around on the ground and felt immense waves of freedom come over my body.  It was my first experience with Holy laughter. 

When I got up from the floor I felt lighter and excited.  It was the most awesome experience I had had.  I checked into my hotel and went to bed.  The next day I awoke refreshed and enjoyed a day full of dynamic speaking.  The conference lasted 5 days total and I actually felt better as each day passed.  When I arrived home and walked through the door my husband at the time said, “You look different, what happened to you?”  I laughed unrepentantly and shared my experience.  By nightfall he offered to get me my medicine as routine and then it dawned on me, “I haven’t taken my meds for over 5 days!”  I was healed!  My x-husband insisted I go to the doctor which I did for the sake of sharing the testimony.  My psychiatrist said that I needed to remain on anti-depressants for the rest of my life.  I looked at her and said, “Apparently not.”

That time in my life has become the backbone for my quest of being “med-free.”  I remember the shock I felt when I viewed my first commercial advertising a prescription.  My spirit jumped inside of me and I felt the suggestion of force-feeding medicine was an insult to my intelligence.  The reality of my own quest for a cure through a pill was disheartening, because for so long I swallowed the world’s lie.

I was depressed for as far back as I could remember, yet in an instant was healed.  But was it really a “suddenly” experience.  There had been countless times when I asked for healing 50 times a day.  What was it about that moment in time that caused Daddy to heal me?  I had been desperate for years but always fell back on my feelings.  I would ask to be healed but still feel depressed afterward, so I would heap condemnation on myself and perpetuate the cycle of shame because I wasn’t a happy Christian. In reality I expected Daddy to offer me the perfect concoction of pills to be my source of freedom instead of Him.  My moment of breakthrough with laughter in the back of the church with 5 minutes to spare came instantly when my thoughts, body and spirit rose in faith for my happiness.  Mark 11:24 reads, “Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you.”  Years of praying for healing manifested “instantly” when I EXPECTED Daddy to do what I could not on my own or with the help of doctors. 

Since that day in 2008 I have sought relentlessly for divine health only to fall victim to aches and pains that appear before personal exercise goals.  I can remember having to drop out of sports events and dance competitions days before.  It has been a theme throughout my life much which consequently keeps me in a perpetual cycle of relying on the worlds system of health care.  The deliverance I needed from demonization was the breakthrough I needed to re-apply that expectation for healing that brought me happiness before.  The ruminating thoughts and wavering in decisions has completely left and inner healing work has ignited an expectation of wholeness in every area of my life.  For the past month Daddy has highlighted to me all of His scriptures in James 4, Matt 7:7-8, Mark 11:24, 1 John5:14-15, and John 14:13-14, that require us to ask for what we want.  They come up in music; on you tube, at church and with friends who are perusing divine health.  Just the other day my friend Nikki gave me a teaching from Joseph Prince which was based on Mark 11:24.  Ok Daddy, I hear you.  I am at the threshold of yet another spiritual revelation.  I want the healing gift that has been given to me to be resurrected.  In my turning toward medicine I lost sight of the miracles that have already occurred in my past.  I use to go into Wal-Mart and pray for the sick people in the prescription lines, but lately have dumbed down Daddy’s ability to heal because of how bad I feel.  I have felt beat up and fatigued for so long that I wear my ailments like a badge of honor.  It actually gives me something to complain about.  So because I do not believe Daddy can deliver the goods of healing, He won’t.  He respects my will and choice to go to something other than Him for healing.  I have become full of unbelief because after a prayer I check my body for pain and it is still there.  My feelings have become a gauge of reality and therefore because I don’t feel better, I don’t believe in my healing.  Therefore, I walk out life defeated and question if it’s His will to heal me in the first place.  This place of stagnation is not ok with me.  I am not defined by my circumstances.  I lived through 5 out of the 6 adverse childhood effects and would not have been able to do so without hope in what I asked for.  I wanted answers and I demanded that Daddy give me them. He used my quest for freedom to reveal just how much of it He wants to give if we ask.

It has taken time to find my identity through years of inner healing.  The acceleration of resting in my identity has been a “suddenly” experience after my deliverance.  I wish I would have found deliverance and then the healings, but Daddy knows.  No amount of trauma, rejection, sickness or demonic spirits has stood in my way of perusing freedom and telling others about it.  To the degree of darkness that abounds, light abounds all the more.  Daddy is my great Physician, the one who professed, “The spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed me to preach the Gospel to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed, to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord.” All Daddy is waiting for is my agreement with His truth and helping others walk in it. 


One thought on “Systematic Dependencies

  1. I can relate to your feelings. It’s easy for me to feel hopeless and to not want to set myself up for disappointment. However, recently, God is building my faith to pray for the desires of my heart. God loves and cares for us, and we are not alone or unheard. Praying for healing is like taking a prescription. You have to be consistent and finish it. The Bible tells us that love always hopes, perseveres, and wins, that hope does not disappoint, that God will fulfill the desires of our hearts, and that we should not give up on praying. We can do nothing on our own without God, so even faith is a gift. And when God gives faith, it is much easier to hope because your heart is freed to be open.

    Liked by 1 person

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