This was my first blog December 8, 2012. It is good to look back and see how far we have come.
I have always professed Daddy’s goodness, but done it with the motive of correction. If someone lacked the ability to grasp my understanding of God being good, and satan being bad, then I would walk away feeling defensive, look up more scriptures to back up my argument just to make sure I was right. I know now that much of that spiritual rivalry has a lot to do with the need for deliverance. Again, since I have received it I can see more clearly and address the rejection that has fueled my need to be right.
I keep asking for deeper revelation and understanding and He keeps blowing my mind, all the while causing me to give my will over to Him. I think it’s interesting that most people believe His will always gets done. If something bad or good happens, they attach it to being His will. I don’t argue anymore, I let them believe what they want because Daddy gave them freewill, but I rest in knowing that His will is always good. If something bad happens Daddy isn’t responsible. There is either a sin involved through choice, or a demonic spirit. I know I lost half of you right there, but once you have been set free from the habits, hang-ups, and behaviors that you can’t stand about yourself, you realize that supernatural miracles are coupled with overcoming supernatural evil.
My greatest realization of God’s goodness has evolved through my own introspection. I can’t candy coat unless I’m speaking to a fragile individual and then I temper my boldness. I feel like the Lord knew that about me when He created me, so I choose to see how He works in my life to relate the best way possible to those around me. Since the emergence of my unforgiveness toward my mother, I have talked to my Father openly about the effects of parenting on a child. Crazy enough we have watched about two Christmas movies, both with an emphasis on family breakdown and the need for understanding from a child’s point of view. One of the main characters had trouble committing to anyone. My Father literally voiced his heart and said, “I don’t understand what’s wrong with this guy?” I explained that his mother left him repeatedly as a child, so he has built up anger and fear of it happening with anyone else he gets close to. “Watch,” I said, it will probably come up later in the movie. The next scene literally revealed what I had just verbalized as being the problem. It was like our watching this movie was even a part of a set-up because Daddy opened the doors of communication. It is the Hallmark channel, and a very sly way for Daddy to pull people into relationship.
Nonetheless, I voiced my passion for child advocacy to my Father because I feel as children it was absent in our home. He listened to me for quite a while as I was working on an art project and discussing my feelings about parental guidance. I fully believe I will be a spiritual mother to many one day, so I make it my business to interact with children and pray protection over them. I related to my Father that my youngest sister was the only one I felt safe approaching at this time. He cautiously answered and spoke of the dissimilarities she and I had in viewing circumstances with my Mother. He mentioned that my middle sister speaks of the same feelings I have toward my Mother and that she would best understand me. He shared that she has even spoken of feeling rejected and unwanted from birth. With the most recent vision I have had concerning light coming into the womb when I was being formed, I kept quiet and made a mental note to pray about this subject.
Now consider the love that was portrayed in his hope of protection when my father steered me away from contacting the wrong sister first. He was openly sharing and even commented on his parenting mistakes. When I said, “its ok”, I truly meant it, but he rebuttled with, “Don’t act like it doesn’t matter because it does.” In this moment Daddy was giving back to me all the years that were stolen in my childhood through my estrangement with my earthly Father. Now there was a relationship being established that Daddy was orchestrating for me to realize the love of a Father. My heart and mind was listening to my Father with keen awareness of the heavenly vision Daddy had for me. It was another set up for sure. The very sister I thought in the natural who would receive me first, was not the one Daddy had illuminated, and it took my earthly Father to tell me so.
Days went on and I asked Daddy for 100 things a day because I began to expect receiving them. It was fun. I would pray for His will and see it virtually unfold before my very eyes. One night my Father wanted to go out to eat at his favorite restaurant. I’m not a fan of chain restaurants, but kept my mouth shut and went along with what would bless him, after all he was treating. He introduced me to his friends there as if I was on a pedestal. No one knew of our recent reuniting so I’m sure it looked like he was parading around his daughter in a manner that was weird, but it spoke volumes to me. This is how Daddy in heaven loves over us, how He lavishes on His kids. I let my Father be himself and he opened up about his own fears in life, one of them being death. As he was talking I saw the number 92 on his forehead in the spirit. I started laughing and told him what I saw. He stopped speaking for a moment and then said, “This is very interesting because my decision needs to be made tomorrow about the age that I want to insure up to for life insurance. I didn’t know if I should pay for the extension or not, but it would cover me up to the age 92”. He looked down at his plate, looked up again, and asked, “should I go for the 92?” I said yes. The rest of the night I shared stories about my life that have seen the “words” of Daddy come to pass, and all the miracles that I had witnessed. Calling God, Daddy, in my father’s presence seemed awkward the first time, but then it began to roll off my tongue. Stepping into my comfortability with my father and Daddy was confirmed in that instant. Then Daddy told me to cover the check. After all it is the season of giving.
The following day I went to the pool and saw the same lifeguard whom I spoke with earlier that week. Amazingly she told me of her experiences at her waitress job; the disrespect, the lousy tips, and the recent loss of her money making shifts. In listening to her I saw much of myself in her and could relate to the attitude she had to protect herself. I saw in her a deep wisdom and maturity for her age. I spoke over her what Daddy was showing me. She confirmed the lure to council people but admitted her belief that she was not strong enough. This was another similarity she had to me, so I shared my returning to school for a Master’s in counseling 17 years after laying down the dream of doing it. I explained that God never abandons His plan for our life once He puts it in motion. To my amazement she said she worked at the very restaurant my father and I had been to the night before but wasn’t there because they cut her hours. I made a mental note of her revised schedule, asked Daddy for a way to bless her, and then asked Him for a chance to swim next time I was in the pool. Something inside of me was curious to see how many laps I could endure after being out of practice for 6 months.
Later in the day I felt compelled to pray for the lifeguard in the spirit. A confirmation of blessing came and I went to the bank to draw out some money. I bought her a card and wrote, “when the world lets you down and things you count on fall away, the Lord will send you exactly what you need. I hope this gift represents for you the many ways God will meet your needs.” I went to the restaurant and was greeted by the manager whom I had met the night before with my father. I hadn’t been there in 2 years and then showed up 2 nights in a row. God has such a sense of humor. What was even funnier was a group of people from my gym sitting at the bar pointing in my direction and laughing. I was looking right at them and they all turned away except one lady’s husband who was obviously embarrassed because I caught them in the act. I just waved to him and re-directed to finding my waitress. I gave the card and some chocolate to her, hugged her, and then left. I got in my car and asked Daddy what that was all about? The Lord brought back to my memory the wife of the husband who I just saw at the bar; she and I use to talk at the gym 2 years ago. She had shared about her need to exercise for self-worth, and how much of her life was consumed with striving. “Oh, I get it. I know best why she is so mean, I have been there myself.” I began to intercede for this woman and asked Daddy to restore her self image faster than He did mine. This interceding thing is starting to occur more often lately. Again, I hadn’t prayed for the ability to intercede because I thought I was too weak to do it. However, it has always been a silent longing on my heart, and He was bringing that into reality simply because He wants to give us all of the gifts from heaven. I’m learning everything that is His will is good even if it isn’t discerned that way by us on earth. It takes too much energy to associate bad things with a loving Daddy in heaven who wants to reveal His plan even in the midst of question.