I truly wish I could reveal all the insights that I am seeing but in this very surreal place that I find myself with Daddy, I am only able to pray in the spirit. My heart is heavy with revelation of where He wants to take us as a body of Christ so my prayer language has rolled off my tongue for days on end. It is amazing how my spirit can talk to Daddy so much easier than my verbalization. The peace I am feeling in this moment is insurmountable to anything “humanistic”. I am going to reflect on the past few days while they are fresh in my mind. This past week proved to be nothing less than amazing. When I was in college my sorority sisters threw that word “amazing” around to describe every event and every person. It annoyed me more than anything because I felt that it was a word to be used for things worth its weight, like God, but at the time I wasn’t a Christian. I have caught myself a few times this past week using “amazing” to describe the gratitude I had toward Daddy and He laughed with me when we reminisced about my prophetic “appropriation” of the verb. Every day I swam and did my juice fast. I didn’t even think about food or lack thereof, and I saw amazing things unfold before my spiritual senses.
The month of December is usually my best month because Christmas is my favorite time of year; this year however, living through another November marked two years of suffering with nerve pain in my female organs, and praying this Christmas ushers in healing. Biking was a natural talent of mine, and after swimming lessons 8 years ago, I realized it too was just as easy. Swimming this past week however, posed new problems; inflamed tissue that caused my nerve to over fire because of the chlorine water. By day two of being in the water, the only relief I had was when I sat down, making work seem like an impossibility. On my drive home from the pool Tuesday night I got fed up with the injustice that my body had gone through for over 2 years. I no longer bike or run, and because of an inflamed adductor tendon due to a dance injury from 2 summers ago, I am forced to swim during the cold months when I usually take a break. Amazingly, I pushed through the pain in my body, and heard myself speaking alignment to it as I drove. If I have lived this long with pain, why give up swimming now, in fact, I’m going to take back biking also. I already know I am going to be healed physically because it is finished according to the Gospel. It’s high time I start kicking this unbelief to the curb. I needed to partner with the divine healing I claim, and use it to catapult me into a season of expectancy. So I thought, heck, let’s go for the gusto and contact my sister, after all, I know I need healing in my family too. I sent her a message on Facebook and asked her to “friend” me so that we could confirm a mutual forgiving relationship. I got up the next morning and went for a swim. I loved gliding through the water and felt so good after a confident 1500 yards. The Bible says not to despise small beginnings; believe me, this may seem like a warm-up for most swimmers, but it was a huge accomplishment compared to the 500 yards I did in a constant state of fear just three years ago. I got in my car to drive home and suddenly couldn’t move my right shoulder.
I laid hands on myself and praised the Lord for my coming healing all the way home. Thankfully, my friend John called. I told him about the latest pain in my shoulder from swimming and he saw a “gossip and slanderous spirit” was spoken against me. We praised and then I agreed with him to thank Daddy for my healing and His overcoming power. My arm was completely healed and I could move it in every direction. I then had an immense understanding pour into my spirit. I had a new compassion birthing in my heart toward my sister. I had to laugh at my actions because they were so presumptuous. I expected her to jump at the chance of reconciliation when all Daddy told me to do was apologize so that I would be free to leave my offering at the altar without offense against me. I had done my part and if I never hear from my sisters or mother, at least I attempted to bridge the gap. Interestingly, I prayed for my sister and tried to muster up the anger I had toward her for the past 5 years. I asked myself a series of questions that would spur on my “justice seeking attitude”, but I had peace. Daddy blessed me with true forgiveness in my heart and as each day passed with no response from her, I prayed more intently for her. With each passing day I became more thankful for the joys of exercise returning to me and my swimming became worship.
I noticed a little boy in the lane next to me one evening at the pool. He was on swim team and I could tell that he had extreme natural gifting’s and the Lord showed me how this child had no fear of the water. This same revelation in my own heart and mind made the difference in my confidence and ability to swim. This child however was very bored and even sunk his face under the water while doing the backstroke just to challenge himself. I knew however, that his parents were not there. I was so intrigued by what Daddy was telling me about him that I just watched him swim for 15 minutes while I prayed in the spirit. When I searched the waiting room for his parents, they were not there. I sensed that swim team was a reprieve for the parents, a babysitting system. I went into the locker room and saw a little girl who I knew was his sister. I heard his name because the coach spoke it many times so I asked if she was related to him. She told me her name and confirmed that her and her 4 brothers have swim team every night. She wasn’t very enthused about it so I leaned against the lockers and asked her how she would spend her time if she could choose. She said, “We wouldn’t be here because it is too much and I’m tired all the time. We have piano, basketball and private tutoring, it’s a drag.” I said, “I’m going to pray for peace for your mommy and daddy and your ability to share your heart with them so more time can be spent as a family.” She said, “We go to church too but how’d you know how to pray for what I need?” I explained about hearing Daddy speak to my heart because of compassion for others, and then I encouraged her to do the same as I prayed. She smiled and said, “We needed that.” She was 8 years old.
Two things came to me in that moment; the first being that Daddy highlighted them to me so that I would pray because He was downloading the details. Second, I have interceded a lot more lately because my spiritual eyes are open. The funniest thing was that my heart was yearning for the protection of children and their fragile mindsets. The need to intercede for them was ever-increasing.
I was leaving the gym when I saw my lifeguard friend. I mentioned that I saw extreme gifting’s in the boy as he swam. She told me to pray for the family because the parents are absent, drop the kids off and never pay attention to them. The coach has tried to place the kids in more advance levels because they are bored but the parents argue about expense for the next level of swim team. Funny how I didn’t ask for this information but it was freely given because Daddy knew I wanted confirmation, proof that I heard from Him. “O.K, Daddy, I got it, I need to trust you, I can hear from you.”
However, it seems that the area of trust was one that needed perfecting. After a day of writing and pouring my heart out to build upon my book, wouldn’t you know that my computer crashed? Best Buy already had my father’s computer so I called them up to ask what was happening to mine. They told me to bring it in right away. Immediately, it hit me; this is just like a doctor situation that I have grown accustomed to. I realized that in the areas of my life where I put faith in doctors or technicians instead of Daddy, the need for their help increases and keeps me in a perpetual cycle of seeking help from man. When will I allow my faith to well up and press in for “The more”, that I always preach? These familiar situations were not ok, and repeating the cycles of calamity had to have something to do with my acceptance of it. I was reminded of my attempts to reconcile with my mother last year. I had received an e-mail form her so I responded thinking she wanted contact. She informed me that the e-mail was sent out to a list of recipients and that I was not meant to be one of them. I felt rejected and then my computer crashed days later. I lost her e-mail address and have not heard from her again. “Wait a minute,” I thought. “This is not from the hand of my Daddy. Daddy, this has got to stop, I need to know how to breakthrough in areas of attack?!”
I was in route to Best Buy when Daddy reminded me of a situation in the past where He took me to the next level of prayer. I remembered when my ex-husband Mark and I were watching my in-laws house and looking after his older brother at the same time. Days before we left for their house I had a feather fall down onto the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I was making as I was praying for our interaction with Marks brother. I knew feathers were a sign of God’s glory and I heard, “this is the week of my intervention.” I ran into the room exclaiming to Mark what I heard for his brother and showed him the feather. We went into praise and felt confident in our future house-sitting. The last night of our being at the in-laws house, Mark’s brother came into our room at 4am and asked if we could take him to the hospital. We sat straight up in the bed and asked what was wrong. He had slashed his wrists 13 times, blood was everywhere throughout the house.
I didn’t have time to focus on the fear of playing out a horror film, I had to gather the facts and stay level-headed. I had never prayed in tongues more intently in all of my life. Daddy told me what to do every step of the way in insurmountable speed and detail. Daddy said, “Drugs, which ones?” So I asked my brother in-law, “Which drugs have you taken?” Prescription bottles were suddenly revealed, empty. Daddy told me to DECLARE and DECREE. The sound that came forth from my mouth was in a new authority for me at the time. I called forth his destiny and pleaded the love of Jesus over him. I saw a vision play out before me and I spoke every word of his coming deliverance, restoration and hope that I saw for his life. I did not have time to address the enemy at all, I did as Daddy instructed. We were in the midst of an ice storm back in the woods without the capability to get him to the road where an ambulance could pick him up. Again, Daddy told me to DECLARE and DECREE what needed to happen, and we calmly got him inside the truck to speak forth our drive down the slick lane. He was escorted to the hospital in record speed and Daddy brought me into a place of laughter and exhilaration, for I had peace and understanding from heaven. Daddy had intervened and stopped the plan of the enemy. I knew my brother-in law was going to be completely restored. In the hospital room he asked me why I spoke so much love to him, why I had kissed his forehead and believed in his right to life. I responded, “Daddy was taking us all to the next level in revelation of His goodness and He will always be our solution. He instructed every decision that Mark and I made. You have encountered the living God.”
I remembered that entire event and every detail as I drove my sick computer to the technicians. It was like I was watching my past play out in front of me and before I realized it I was already in the parking lot of my destination. Daddy said, “Those declarations changed the circumstance and brought forth life.” I praised Him for the realization that my brother-in-law never returned to drinking or drugs after he was discharged for the suicide attempt. His life was completely different from that moment forward, a specific declaration Daddy had told me to speak over his life. Comparing a life-threatening event to a computer crash is hardly on the same level; or was it?
Daddy told me to declare his solution over my computer with the same expectancy that I had for my brother-in-laws life. I thought, “If I really do trust you, than it should be in every circumstance. If you saved a life through my words you can partner with life every time I speak it. Daddy, I want my computer completely restored and working just as good as it did when I first bought it.” I gathered my things and took them into the store. The tech said he had only see this situation a couple of times, but wanted to try something if I let him. I gave Daddy my fear of losing all my writings for the book, and I declared that He would help me re-write everything if I lost my material. The final test was about to be administered and when the computer was re-booted, it came on twice as fast, and all data was saved. I of course, had to share with the tech how Daddy hears the words we speak that are coupled with His vision for life. Needless to say, the tech felt compelled to answer any and all of my questions, and wound up helping me navigate through new computer downloads as I shared Jesus with him.
My faith was through the roof when I walked out of Best Buy. Daddy is confirming all over the place that He talks to me instructs me and expects me to do His will. The glory I give Him in knowing that He partners with me to accomplish His purposes, reiterates to me that His will is always for our good. If there is a problem, He has a solution, but do I believe He does? I think His working everything out for our good comes from the fact that His ways are above ours. To use the scripture, “His ways are above our ways” to explain calamity and allow theology to “dumb down” His goodness, reveals our heart. It says we couple with a spirit of unbelief, and therefore will lack. Jesus had to leave cities because of their unbelief; He was only able to heal simple headaches because the people placed trust in their understanding of His ways to be a “justification for what didn’t happen.” Since when did HE describe “His ways,” as being above ours only to reason why our prayers ARE NOT answered? I am in a place where I have to take my own inventory and appropriate scripture with the abundance it gives me for my life. I have to own the areas where I don’t trust Him for doing the miraculous as my problem. It isn’t because His will is for me to accept good and bad as coming from Him, it’s to know His will is always revealing His glory and to take us from one stage of it to the next.
To be constantly amazed by His hopes for our future and His thoughts of goodness toward us, is where we are supposed to rest. I saw that plain as day after He brought up past experiences where He turned bad into good for the sake of my praise. He doesn’t operate in heaven from a place of, “I know you don’t understand but I’m the BIG Man up here and I don’t want to reveal myself to you just yet, I want you to believe that going around the mountain again is part of my plan.” NO! Instead He waits from a place of rest for our realization that He really does have the solution. He says, “Just trust me and step outside of what you have known and seek for more, agree with the abundance that I have for your understanding; my thoughts are toward you and not against you, believe I want your success, ask for it, declare it and couple with me.” Daddy is cheering us on and waiting until we say, “I want to have the mind of Christ, I want to associate Your ways Daddy, as being a ticket to understanding Your advancement in my life.” This is not talking about material things but about knowing Daddy in His entire splendor and believing that He reveals His will to you.
After my computer was safe in my hands again I started to grasp the presence of Him when I started to type out my thoughts. I found myself yearning for time to write so I could be close to Him, hearing from Him. Singing in my car and dancing have become my favorite ways to enter the throne room where I find nourishment for my soul. The past month I have worn out an MP3 that I re-discovered because it was placed among my cd’s. I know every worship song and in what order it’s going to play. Two days ago after listening to my favorite song a message was preached that I had never heard before. It was obviously a live recording and flowed from the stream of worship. The message was about reconciliation to family members who had been estranged for over 30 years. I turned up the speaker and leaned into it as tears streamed down my face. This man shared of his sorrow for having lost precious time with relatives due to offense. The re-uniting with his father granted him the ability to hear words like, “I’m proud of you,” for the first time. I placed my head on the steering wheel and emptied my heart of pent-up grief, and rejection, coupled with thanksgiving and awe. My Daddy was amazing. My Daddy is amazing.
The message struck my heart and just as quickly as it was spoken, it stopped. I tried to retrieve it and find it again but it was a rhema word of confirmation. His ways are always above ours, because when we grasp them we can walk into them. His intentions are for our good in every circumstance; just because we don’t believe it doesn’t mean it isn’t real. We can trust Him and know He relates to us with love even when we don’t CHOOSE to see it in ourselves, others or Him. Daddy knows. He just wants us to believe that He knows a better way.