Healing through dreams

 

1/14/16

I love going to sleep because my dream life is so captivating.  Everyone dreams but many don’t remember them when they wake up, especially if startled by an alarm.  For those of you who don’t believe you dream, you do, but something from childhood persuaded you to turn off the remembrance of them because you were disrupted from sleep through nightmares, confusion or disinterest.  Dreams are meant to speak to our spirit during rest because we may be too busy to hear what Daddy is saying during our waking hours.  When I work with children, most share about nightmares or recurring dreams that seem like warnings or themes.  I do my best to help flip a negative dream for the positive based on Doug Addison’s model of dream interpretation, so that every child, regardless of age can apply the meaning of a dream to their personal circumstances.  I have many prophetic dreams which have the power to heal me emotionally and physically as well as confirm decisions I have to make in the natural, but I like the majority of us, commonly have soul dreams.  Soul dreams depict an area of emotion that needs to be healed.  These dreams reveal a lie or wound that we are holding onto, as well as a belief or emotion that holds it in place.  If we wake up disturbed by the meaning of a dream because we feel confused, we have the power to lift it up to Jesus and declare His truth after we interpret its message to us.

I have a passion for curious, fuzzy patterns in events and I like to sleuth out mysterious things because I’m convinced I would make a great detective or interpreter based on clues behind a matter.  Maybe it is finally the redemption of my childhood vigilance that kept me having to look over my shoulder that offered me discernment in adulthood to cope in the midst of uncertainties.  Where some Christians deny the supernatural ability to hear Daddy’s direction, science has indeed proven that dreams are avenues to understanding coping mechanisms hidden in our imagination.  The Bible is mysteriously intertwining the message of love and God’s discerning ways being above our own, which supernaturally ties in our need as humans to imagine the capabilities of Jesus and seek to do them.  If we recognize His voice we will be less intrigued to follow a counterfeit and quick to cast down the negative thoughts, described in the Bible as imaginations that we repeatedly listen too.  If the enemy can get us focused on the negative feelings we have after a dream, his hope is that we respond to it literally.  Yet Daddy is a mystery waiting to unfold His richness and depth through relationship that undoubtedly reveals truth through personalization.  This is why life can be compared to dreams, because imagining the possible outcomes from one event, multiplies the interpretation based on the number of people perceiving it.  This is why application of a dream will be different for each individual even if familiar symbols or themes are dreamt.  The interpretation of life and dreams may hold common traits but similarities lack how God connects the context of them to the heart of an individual.  Therefore, following your dreams can become both supernatural and literal once you gain Heavens interpretation about it.

When I sense, feel or know something I usually lift it up to Jesus and hand it over for the sake of confirming He is showing me a truth.  If it comes back to me and it’s negative about me or someone else, I pray for His truth to cover it.  It may not be for me to confront and it isn’t meant for me to judge; it becomes an opportunity for me to know Daddy intimately by being taught discernment.  Many things in the natural reveal a much greater need in the spiritual, so my understanding of a matter becomes a connection to My Father in heaven like nobody else in that moment.  I experience the deep concern of heaven and become an entrusted recipient to hear truth for the sake of my maturity and the healing of those I’m praying for.  When it comes to my own need and I’m uncertain of why I hurt, how much more do I need to be able to trust that He can speak to me any way He chooses?  It is my role as a daughter to follow His lead, knowing my interpretation of a dream might not add up to what professionals say, what dream books say or what symbols supposedly say, but above all else what Daddy has to say.

I needed interpretation and application of a disturbing dream that I had two nights ago.  It was definitely a soul dream because I was confused and grumpy as I wrote it down in my prayer journal.  I went to work and felt anxious because I wasn’t sure how to pray for myself.  Crazy thing happened, the high school I was at went into “lock down” mode and I had no students.  I smiled and took a deep breath in because I knew Daddy was giving me some time to seek His truth about my underlying emotions that were revealed as I slept.  In the dream, “I was with my family in a foreign country.  We were in a department store and I found many items that were cheaply made but expensive, so when I asked my father to buy me something and he said no, my attention went toward my sister who was with her rich boyfriend.  I felt them judging me as we went to dinner where my ex-mother-in-law was showing everyone a dusty box with jewelry charms in them.  I tried to connect with my sister and explain I knew how to make them if she wanted one, but she remained disinterested.  I then thought to myself, ‘how is anyone impressed with these dusty trinkets?’  We continued to walk around in a foreign market where meat was being cured in the ground with a glass covering that we could look through.  I asked a merchant if this was common in India as well because I had been there, and he confirmed I knew what I was talking about, but my family had walked away from me.  They didn’t hear any of the conversation.  I found them in a restaurant with rows of white linen covered tables.   My sister and Robert from Restaurant Impossible were sitting in the front row so I sat next to them.  It was dimly lit and someone stood in front of us.  I was going to share my jewelry with the people sitting in the rows behind us and handed Robert my favorite necklace that I had been working on.  I was busy sorting out my beads before I realized Robert had taken the necklace apart and was remolding the pendant in his palm.  Everyone was perplexed as they were looking at a simple strand of stupid beads.  I grabbed my stuff and started packing up and angrily grabbed the necklace out of Roberts’s hand. I was made to look like the over-reactive one again.” The dream abruptly ended as I opened my eyes and felt the scowl taking over my countenance.

Knowing that I had a night of fantastic dreams the day before and wound up feeling productive throughout that day, I prayed for a chance to deal with my emotions before they started negatively influencing this day.  So there I was in the classroom with hours to spend alone in Daddy’s presence.  It just so happened that I had some counseling worksheets in my backpack that I use to help children identify lies.  They seemed appropriate at the time so I went sleuthing for the underlying emotions in my dream.  What felt predominant to me was that I felt small, like I was reacting as a child.  With that as my platform I started scanning the sheet of paper for familiar feelings.  First definition that got my attention was the lie, Abandonment.  The emotions indicated my belief in the lie.  Think lie = wound, emotion = belief.  In my dream abandonment told me that I was overlooked, unimportant, nobody listens to me, I’m alone, I don’t matter even with all that I’ve accomplished, and I’m rejected.

Once I identified the lie (wound) as abandonment, I confessed my beliefs (emotions) that reiterated what I believed about myself.  Then I envisioned handing over the bundle of hurt to Jesus.  I remained quiet and invited Daddy to hang with me in that moment.  After a few minutes of rest I heard the lyrics of a song come to my mind, “It will be my joy to say, your will, your will.”  It was really neat because my flesh doesn’t like to think about not getting its own way, but it was confirmation that the song wasn’t something I would sing to myself, so I knew it was Daddy’s way of encouraging me.  It didn’t feel particularly powerful so I declared the opposite of abandonment over my life.  “I am heard, seen and important.”

I knew something else was present because the dream had triggered many emotional hotspots in my spirit.  I came across the wound of powerlessness and had to jot down my beliefs.  My emotions were best described as overwhelmed, small, can’t do anything to stop everyone else from advancing so I can catch up, I can’t do anything to stop this cycle of lack, I’m stunted, hindered.  After I identified the lie of seeming powerless and summing up my emotional wounds that presently had me feeling young and immature, I handed it all to Jesus.  I invited the presence of Holy Spirit to minister to me and I felt all the areas in my body that felt exhaustion, digestive distress, and angst, stress and worry move down my back and sit around my kidneys.  I took a deep breath and released it.  I felt capable of declaring, “I can stop begging for another touch from you Daddy because I can reach up to heaven, ask for what I need and receive it.  I’m not Job and I don’t have to blame out of my flesh because I interpret being out of control, as You taking good things from me.  And Lord, where the enemy tried to steal my praise, I declare You give even more reason for me to expect good from your hand.” Going to Him is better than a good cry, its exchange of bad for good.  He gives redemption and takes away the bad, the lies that hindered us from seeing Him in our circumstance.

Man my spirit was beginning to take shape, I was crying and laughing and 2 hours had already gone by.  I sensed my need to press in was growing so down the page I looked to find my next wound from the soul dream I had.  There it was, the “mother-load” of all piles of dung that the enemy could sling in my life, Invalidation.  This wound is a lie that felt like a theme for my life.  Just in reading the description of beliefs behind invalidation, I felt the pang of each emotion.  “I’m not loved, unimportant, they do not need me, I was never liked by them, my parents raised us to turn against each other, they didn’t like me because grandma took care of me, mom had three kids knowing one would always be left out, I’ve always known I was unwanted, I was the problem child, I provoked people to turn against me, their vulnerability became my responsibility, people  renounce what I taught them, many find it unpopular to associate with me, my family has disowned me more than three times, nobody believed I was abused, why was I even born, I was a burden, I am not acceptable unless I conform.”

At this point all of the descriptions found on the sheet were filled in with my personal description, but then like a floodgate, memories that resembled each other started to rise to the surface.  I was seeing each memory and mourning the hurt in them, “Being excluded from mentoring kids because adults believed I needed my own to understand, my ex-husbands family denied my research on family dysfunction because it was easier to believe children are born addicted as part of God’s will, being dismissed from the church worship team for depression, laughed at for website plans that were unable to be created, banging down doors in hopes of someone opening them to let me in.  Why, why, why can’t these people see that I know what I’m talking about?”

So then I asked Daddy, in the midst of seeing my past beliefs assault my mind, “Why has this gone on my whole life, why don’t others need me, why am I expendable, why am I not their first choice, why haven’t I fit in, why is my personality too much for others, why didn’t mom want me around,  why did she think I was stupid, why couldn’t I laugh, feel or cry without punishment, why were my emotions a problem, why was I the mistake, why can’t I receive intimacy, why were my efforts of connection revoked, why was I always in the way”???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I handed the huge weight of Invalidation and all of its emotional thoughts over to My Savior.  I was overcome with gratitude for Him revealing what felt like, a lifetime of pain.  ”.  I repented for accepting this lie of invalidation and how I let it define me.  “I have been striving, working and begging for people and God to reward me for my efforts. I break agreement with invalidation”.

I invited His presence for truth and heard, “The 40 years of wandering are over.”  With faith I declared that my Daddy in heaven wanted me and has designed me to be different for such a time as this.  If I am to impact parents who change the role of parenting I have to receive my validation from Daddy to do so.  The children from hereon after can be delivered from invalidation and unwontedness just as I have.

I got out of my seat and walked slowly around the room.  I was elated and amazed.  Another hour had passed on that subject alone.  I couldn’t have planned this day out if I had wanted too.  Daddy was revealing Himself so personally to me when I didn’t even ask for it.  Usually I chase after my inner healing like a predator sniffing out prey, but this time my dreams revealed the beliefs I had stuffed into hibernation for too long.  I still had some remnant of confusion emotionally lingering around so I figured I should see if anything else remained.

Sure enough, confusion was the culprit of emotional distress that lingered when I looked back over my dream.  The beliefs that were feeding the lie of, my always being confused were pale in comparison to my previous wounds.  My dream allowed me to face memories that have seemed too hard to look at, an apparent theme that still said, “I don’t know what is happening to me, one minute I’m healthy, the next down for the count, this doesn’t make any sense, why would God not heal me, why can another person sway my opinion so easily, why had I blocked out so much of my childhood, was mom ever coming back, who would protect me, I may forget how to do it the right way, what did I do wrong, I don’t know what to do, I can’t do it.”

Years of wavering over what my beliefs were, seeing multiple occasions where my father would demand the truth calmly only to rage after finding it out, questioning my own mind when repressed memories arose; all of it felt so confusing.  All of these blanket beliefs negatively swayed my emotions even when realizing them.  I had strong specific memories appear but these have all been known for the last 8 years of my life.  I lifted it all up to Jesus, all of my 40 years that confusion and its heaviness kept me from walking out in my dreams and hopes.

I waited on Daddy’s presence and felt Him erase my anxiety over communicating my thoughts concisely. I had the thought to look up words that define confusion.  I was curious where this could lead because it wasn’t anything I was thinking about, so it had to be Daddy’s idea.  Amazingly I was led to a Christian site that explained how the enemy demonically targets children with confusion and how it results in stealing their dream life through nightmares.  If it becomes stressful to go to bed because of sleep disturbance, demonic oppression interferes with the child’s ability to gain direction in life because he is more prone to denying all dreams in hopes of eradicating the bad ones.  I couldn’t believe how perfectly He was tying everything together.

Words often used to describe confusion are agitation, cluttering, demoralizing, distraction, and embarrassment which would most often accompany a child who has suffered from humiliation.  Humiliation’s lie is shame, one that I have had to press through repeatedly since my sexual abuse memories surfaced.  I was led to read about, just how far I have come in my search for wholeness and learned that organization, clarity, orientation, order and sense are the declarations that Daddy intended for me to proclaim over my life.  That hit me so hard.  It confirmed that I do hear His voice, and that I can retain whatever He deposits into my spirit and draw on it at any time for the hopes of helping others.

It was so profound, the meaning of it all, the perfect timing of being alone and in the presence of One Father who desired to give back to me all that had been stolen.  I could not contain just how overwhelmed I was in His desire to speak to me throughout the night for the sake of the rest of my days.  How intimate, how personal was my Daddy, to give me a reason to heal by flipping a dream from my hurt.  I opened the door to the school hallway and met my students with excitement, so much so, that I had to share what happened to me with them.  Every child sat and listened, I heard two ask, “is she really talking about this?’ and I kept going.  Because I was using myself as an example of an adult who needed to look within before I wrongfully placed blame on them for my frustrations, they could apply the symbolism to their lives.  Everyone down here believes they are Christian so I use that to Daddy’s advantage by treating them as if they already walk close to Him.  I don’t have to preach or mention His name if I utilize my experiences with Him to send a literal message of change in my emotions after going to Him.  God got the Glory, the whole day was His and He proved it, because the kids didn’t want to leave by the end of class.  I was on a Holy Spirit high that could not be contained and was surely contagious.  I am so thankful I dreamt what I thought was a disturbing dream.  IMG_4583

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s