It’s a known fact that I am very excitable over the Holidays. I know I’m not alone in this because many of my friends with kindred spirits share the same enthusiasm. It is also well known that I critique every movie from a spiritual perspective in hopes to speak educationally about why we are moved by emotion. I see deep imagery that pulls Jesus into any secular film, and usually have to temper my energy in order to not stand up and preach in the movie theater. Interestingly however, I never considered myself the type who would write my own screenplay until this year of 2015. Shockingly, I missed all of the thetrical guilds and events that Savannah hosted this year because I was still sloughing off my workaholic mentality that I brought down with me from Maryland 2 years ago. Strange to think that earning money can become a distraction from living life, but in my case it seems to be.
I’ve shared about my fast paced outlook on life and how it has placed me in decrepit restaurants or had me barking up credentialing trees, all for the hopes of financial security when I was missing the point entirely. To love what I do means I will do it to the best of my ability with joy, and I’m reminded during this Christmas season that Daddy is my provision, both financially and spiritually. This lends to the possibility that He could carry my needs as I fulfill my destiny.
Working long hours with barely enough money to pay my bills has been stressful especially when I’m struggling with body aches and pains that manifest after worrying and thinking about all of my dreams that have yet to be attained. I was always that person whom everyone thought was scattered all over the place and told to pick one dream to focus on instead of 100. My response has always been, “well why don’t I give you 20 and you can help take my load off and we can accomplish them faster”? In my opinion, having dreams is an honor because I know longer shut the possibility of imagination down. When I was little I couldn’t bear the thought of another let down so I stopped dreaming for a hopeful future and focused on survival. I guess thats why the Holidays have come alive for me as an adult, because Daddy is restoring my childlikeness and the motivation to pursue what He has put in me despite what others cautiously question.
A few years back I heard the Lord tell me to stop watching romantic comedies because it wasn’t a healthy deposit of emotional strength for my spirit. First of all, I was allowing the romanticized story line depict a reality for other people, but a far reach for myself. Visually and audibly, I was soaking up the world’s beliefs through my senses and it was usually full of fluff and fantasy. I didn’t need a man in shining armor to shower me with gifts and money, I wanted a mate to walk with me through the storms of life. I had a small seed of bitterness grow just a tad more into a sapling with each lie I ingested about how love was supposed to be. Within a year I had become grossly consumed with escapism and I saw my life lacking love that everyone else seemed to have genuinely found. That Christmas, I turned off the movie “The Holiday” for exactly those reasons and not wanting to remind myself of being alone during my favorite time of year. Just a year prior I had divorced and subsequently braced myself for a final season in my life of living at the house I was a wife in. January was the scheduled move date and fell within the familiar income decrease that my business cycled in the winter months. I had put myself on a love diet and headed into hibernation from the emotion and its movies that brought me such pain.
Yet, here I am ready to start life again and hence break out the love stories, love dramas and love comedies. Tonight I seized the moment and sat cuddled up in my blankets and pillows for a binge Christmas-a-thon of that one movie, “The Holiday”. I remembered why I loved it all those years ago and had to keep hitting the replay button every 2 hours. With each view, my heart grew and I cried with every fresh approach to understanding why we as humans seek love. Without getting into the details of the movie and its awesome storyline of two women switching homes for the Holidays and making new connections that healed their brokenness; I’m going to share about the underlying message Daddy was speaking to me.
The main characters were in Los Angeles working in the film industry, or in England as writers and editors. I noticed the lifestyles of all these free agents; able to travel for vacation at leisure, maintain home-based lifestyles that paid them handsomly while setting them up for relationships with creative inspiration spured by love. I re-watched this romantic comedy with heightened expectation each time for a greater increase of gratitude. The search for love brought unlikely and unplanned encounters into each characters life and reminded me of the many facets in my own that I have walked through. If you see it and you know me, try not to judg the sex scenes as being what I relate the most too, I’m getting spiritual, not confessional. I’m talking about the dreams I squeezed the life out of and the ones I thought would never happen. I could see myself in the place of any character who was just starting out on a new path toward success or believing life had passed her by. The beautiful interaction between the characters who wrote books and those who edited film, was honoring to each individual for her unique mark on their industries. Even with failures, they were restored to hope when they utilized their natural abilities to encourage a collegue. And that was awesome to me, to see that my past stumblings with writing about life and the secular scenes of Hollywood, could be purposeful for developing my destiny.
I have always kept a journal and recently became fascinated with my dream world during the night hours. Consequently I started journaling about my dreams this year and had to start a second notebook about midsummer. If I dreamed about something imaginative at night, I would usually cross symbolism of it during my waking hours. “Bedtime Stories” had moved on my heart and filled it with compassion for day dreams and hopes that few understood when I recommended that they watch the movie. Adam Sandler was the perfect depiction of a man who directed and acted in films where he could portray a message of significance, so I wrote about my spiritual interpretation and shared it with some friends. That week he happened to visit Savannah and came into the restarant I was serving at. When I realized he was going to sit in my section I talked myself into calm to avoid the irrational outburst of my personal interrogations that were on the tip of my tongue. But as politics would have it, my manager whom disliked the spirit within me, moved me into a different section and proceeded to promote her friend as Adam’s waitress. “What are the chances?”, I asked myself. I gazed through the hazy scum lined plastic window that seperated me from my person of interest, and I sulked. “There was no other server in this joint who has just written a blog about the spiritual beauty found in this actor, so why was I passed over? How could I snag a moment to prove I was his biggest fan?” Truth be told, there was no way. I, along with the staff, where threatened to stay away from his table unless we wanted to be fired. I thought about taking a potty break and hiding out in the bushes, but I had to relax in knowing that this could be a spiritual deposit that confirmed I was writing for personal reward. Needless to say, I was bummed to leave without meeting one of my fave celebrities.
A few days later I had yet another horrific day at work because the rain blew over papertowels and trash bags as I was trying to clock out after a non-profitable day. As I was about to leave I got a table that nobody else was willing to take so I had to stay. I approached and faked the smile, gave my spiel and waited for the order. To my surprise the man apologized for taking my time. His smile was so warm and his wife was so pleasant that I found myself relaxing and wanting to be near them. This man went on to say that he was the director of Adam Sandler’s movie and was between filming sets. I explained what happened the few nights before and he paused, looked at me and put his menu down. He grabbed his wife’s hand and began to prophesy. I don’t know if he knew he was prophesying, but he said, “You need to keep writing, don’t stop. We need writers like you to invent something new instead of re-making a movie that came out 20 years ago. The world is caught up in sameness and if you keep writing, you could create a screenplay with such creativity that the world marvels at it. I’m telling you Angie, few have the passion for creativity anymore because they are superficial and looking for a quick buck, but you could be the next motion picture that we need. My work needs excitement so don’t let the people who stand in your way stop your dreams, keep writing.”
I knelt down beside their table to keep eye contact and just cried and cried. Daddy had sent him into that restaurant for me! I hadn’t been overlooked, I had been set up from the author of my life! Daddy was speaking my language from a source that was credible and directly spoke to my own personal interest. Who else could orchestrate that but the Lord? I didn’t even tell this director that I wrote specifically about Adam’s movies, I just mentioned writing about spiritual messages within them. My mind was blown and to top it off he gave me fifty bucks.
On the way home Daddy reminded me that nothing in life is wasted. I was brought back to a memory when I was in the 6th grade and had written a Christmas play that I wanted to perform at our school assembly. I approached the popular kids for cooperation of character assignment if I promised to give them leading roles. They appeased me for a day or two when I plotted out the message but eventually they dismissed the idea. Throughout the years I envisioned musical skits where people would re-enact lyrics to songs and I would choreograph intricate dance routines that would be performed in churches. I have had a lavish imagination as an adult, I’m sure I’m making up for lost time as a child, but it is so fun to rekindle my years of youth even if I am perceived to be foolish.
When thinking back on all of these events I became filled with possibility for my future. This surprise meeting with the director at lunch had ignited a hope for my future that had always been there, it just got pushed to the side as my adult responsibilities took precedence.
That night I dreamt about speaking in a huge collesium and having the light shine on my seat to call me onto the platform. From there I saw a row of houses where youth lived and my home was across the street. I was teaching them from a book I had written and returned to my house after a day of walking around the neighborhood. When I woke up I had all of my teaching expereinces on my mind and jotted down the schools I have taught dance, english, and autisitc therapy in. I found my notebook that held all of my ideas for writing a curriculum founded on spirituality and then I fumbled upon a prophetic word I received from Larry Randolph two years ago. As I read the words of, “you will create a work that this earth has never seen before” my heart lept within my chest. “What was happening?” Was I still able to accomplish these things? Most of the time I was bursting at the seams with dreams for deliverance and healing to seep into church. When I shared my opinions many judged me because of my past. No wonder I had always wondered if I missed my chance in life, because I was always too old to receive the prophetic words that were geared toward the youth of my time; I was always just over or under the “cut off age”. My time has not been wasted! Alleluia! My journey looks different because my process is unconventional.
Now here I am at Christmas time writing this account because my memories are pointing me right back to His promises over my life. Daddy needed me to take a little vaca of a few years from romantic comedies so that I would tap into creating my own stories with Him. I find it amazing that the writers, directors and editors are redeeming a love lost in the movie, just like part of my own character? “The Holiday” is symbolic of my life and all the dreams I have been told to let go of so I can focus on one and accomplish something. Yet, in my doing life, I have found my inspiration from knowing the One who loves my creativity and personality the most. Through the adventures of set-backs and prayer I realize that my daily acts of journaling, dancing and teaching, point me in the direction of my greatest aspirations to come to pass. I’m already pursuing the things I am passionate about, they just don’t financially provide for me at this time, but they could. I have had entrepreneurial success and can draw on that experience to create a life I love. Who says I can’t swap houses half the year and travel for work like the characters of this movie? Love would say, “I can”, and my inner child would respond, “I know”!
Daddy has always reminded me of that scripture, “Do not Despise Small Beginnings”, and now I can fully grasp why, because I am building upon my relationship with Him and establishing a foundation for every dream to take off. Even with my seeming like a child and being misunderstood by people my own age, I have always questioned the possibility to impact this world with something great. I want to see the dead raised one day and I have so many stories of miracles that I cold publish 10 books and make a movie about them alone!
With all of this Christmas excitement and revelation abounding, I had the privilege to attend a graduation party of a young college student I had met at the gym. For the first time in my life, I heard another person share of her expereinces with skeptism and people telling her to slow down and stop dreaming. My mouth gaped open as I heard her rebuke their lack of vision for her capabilities. Her words hit my spirit like an arrow and I felt rejuvination come over me. I didn’t have to attend her party but it was yet another set up from Daddy. Years ago when I was first saved, I was the only white chic who went to a huge black church in Baltimore. I needed their enthusiasm to get my week started each Sunday and I loved the home cooked meals and fellowship that followed service. My being at this party was another reminder of Daddy orchestrating all of my steps, past present and future. I knew chances were high that I would be a minority at this shin dig, and I was, but man was it another blessing. The Holiday spirit was tangible and I received the impartation to my own as this young woman shared her dreams. I offered to ghost write her story if she needed it one day and I prophesied that she could use me to choreograph some dance moves for an exercise class at the gym.
I went home that night full of joy, thankful for my valleys and mountain tops with The Lord because they all have shaped the woman I am today. I laughed at all the times I believed I was going to be the next Rockette dancer, Actress or traveling Evangelist. I have always been on a quest for love but hadn’t even put two and two together to realize that Daddy was the partner next to me, urging me to venture out and grasp it with Him. It seems these past dreams highlighted vision for a future that is shining in similar areas today. My imagination has caused me to question spiritual matters and my God who inspires them. My spiritual eyes are open to seeing the One who pursues me and gives me my dreams.
I just may have to write a movie about that.