Innocent

We are not our sin. We are not our mistakes. We do not have to re-live physical ailments that remind us of a memory in the past. I was 32 when my memories came back to me about sexual abuse starting when I was 3 years old. The emotional pain lingered for years and destroyed far more than one body part. It crept into my stomach and bowels creating problems with digestion. I had headaches all of my life, suffered with an eating disorder that demanded 9 months of hospitalization. I can re-count every time I was unable to walk due to pain radiating up and down one side of my body. I sought deliverance because I was convinced that affliction was my lot in life, both emotional and physical. But now I am on the other side of deliverance and much of my symptoms are gone and nightmares of walking on tight ropes across rapid moving bodies of water have stopped.
Until the day of your deliverance, you can still exercise your own authority and seek emotional healing that will ultimately dismantle the fear, shame and guilt which makes you sick. That is truth. Call it what it is if you are feeling fearful of being trapped. Speak to yourself and say, “I know you are fear of entrapment, but I have felt this before and survived. I choose to break agreement with you. I am no longer trapped.” Then you must ask Daddy for what you need. “I need healing of every ailment attached to this emotion of fear and I expect it because that is Your hope for my life”. Then keep asking. The Bible says, “You have not because you ask not”. Keep knocking on the door of heaven for your continual emotional healing. Everything thereafter is just a symptom.
I do not take meds anymore and when I resort back to it I often get worse. I will be providing lists of holistic remedies that have helped me find relief of my symptoms associated with chronic female problems. I will always relate our well-being back to looking within for clues from the past, to what is upsetting you in the present. There is always a source and origin of thought and belief attached to any ailment. I’m a big proponent of what you take in through your senses. I listen to secular music and often find intense revelation in the lyrics that I trust God uses to calm my spirit. In the same respect I get rid of toxins that persuade me to react negatively or hopelessly whether it’s degrading music, movies, TV. or people. In order to love you must love yourself and begin to feel comfortable in your own skin. Be your own best advocate by doing what you already do with intention. If you like music but listen to offensive lyrics, throw in one uplifting song a day. I feel it’s too hard to proclaim a change in a schedule when you already feel stressed and out of control. Listening to a song is something most of us can do without stretching ourselves. I don’t think it’s an accident when one of your favorite things comes along your path in a day, pay attention to how it makes you feel. Sit with it while it lasts and then go back to being melancholy if you must, but eventually you will tire of looking for spoiling to occur after every good thing. Your emotional well-being is your responsibility to trust Daddy God with.
I had to laugh when I heard this song the morning I wrote this, it was a direct nudge on my heart from heaven.
“Innocent” by Taylor Swift
I guess you really did it this time, Left yourself in your warpath, lost your balance on a tightrope, lost your mind tryin to get it back. Wasn’t it easier in your lunchbox days? Always a bigger bed to crawl into. Wasn’t it beautiful when you believed in everything? And everybody believed in you? It’s alright, just wait and see. Your strings of light is still bright to me. Oh, who you are is not where you’ve been. You’re still innocent. You’re still innocent. Did some things you can’t speak of. But at night you’ll live it all again. You wouldn’t be shattered on the floor now. If only you had seen what you know then. Wasn’t it easier in your firefly catching days? And everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you. Wasn’t it beautiful runnin wild til you fell asleep? Before the monsters caught up to you? Its okay, life is a tough crowd. 32 is still growin up now. Who you are is not what you did. You’re still AN innocent. Time turns flames to embers. You’ll have new September’s. Every one of us has messed up too. Lives change like the weather. I hope you remember. Today is never too late to BE brand new. Lost your balance on a tight rope. It’s never too late to get it back. You’re still an innocent, You’re still an innocent.
I never did feel innocent as a child. I never looked up to the authority figures in my life because they couldn’t be trusted and taught me not to trust myself. But I trust myself more and more each passing day and I’m taking back my childhood. It is my right to view life through the lens of healing and now I choose too. Daddy is with you at all times and in the midst of your pain. He is your remedy.
I no longer subscribe to the pain moving around in my body as being demonic or a spiritual attack of infirmity or affliction because I have been delivered of the strongman; what I do address is that deep wounding’s surface in our bodies and manifest as an indication that further emotional healing needs to take place. I generally let someone pray as they feel led over ailments that show up in my body, and I simply let them off the hook if they go chasing a demonic root when they have not been delivered; it is just how the church does things. Whatever Holy Spirit chooses to reveal through their words of knowledge or pictures and prayers that discern the root cause of pain I can agree with and seek truth for any lies that I believe. It is here, the place of our belief about being ill that will progressively remove many layers of faulty thinking and inevitably bring wholeness if we let it. But what most think about demonic assignment, demonization and curses is the real issue. Foundationally these subjects create fear in themselves because many disregard their validity, and equally as many go looking for them under every rock. Even if you have not gone through a prophetic deliverance experience where delivered Christians look into the spirit realm and see what stronghold has kept other demonic forces attached to your emotional pain, deliverance is your right.
If God the Father created us out of dirt and Jesus was the carpenter who built a house of love for our heart to reside, then Holy Spirit can reveal truth that is unknown, so we can humbly receive what we cannot do for ourselves. Every person is a spiritual being made in the image of Christ; therefore at any stage of your journey with God, you can connect with the innate need for His strength to heal and deliver when you have run out of options. Jesus is the ultimate source of peace and love that trumps self-diagnosis, root causes and familiar cycles of shame, ailments or family strife. He is in the business of equipping the saints for an end-day church that will not reside in a building, but who gather prophetically to set His children free. To seek Him is to know Him, to know Him is to become like Him. Your wholeness is dependent upon Him.

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