Many years have passed since my days of dealing with IBS, so I had some concerns when familiar symptoms started manifesting. As far back as I could remember, I had frequent bouts of abdominal pain associated with either constipation or diarrhea. I was the child who routinely went to the nurse every morning with stomach aches, hives, or headaches and it never happened because I drank orange juice and milk together like she assumed. My pain was deep and emotional, yet I seldom had words to express the shame and confusion my little body carried within it. My physical ailments have nearly diminished in adulthood as I have pursued ministries, deliverance and holistic changes for body betterment, but none of it would be possible without recognizing everything is founded spiritually first.
After 21 years of running for bathrooms, breaking plans with friends, fasting carbs, praying, detoxing, exercising and popping pills, my body got louder to get my attention. Regulating my bowel movements wasn’t enough because my quality of life was oppressed by it. I went to a Jewish gastro-intestinelogist who sat across from me with my lab results in his hand, and I watched him cross his hands over my file, pausing to choose his words wisely. He then asked me if I remembered my childhood. My chest instantly got hot and I did not like the direction our conversation was heading. I quietly responded, “no, I have years in question because my childhood seems blacked out.” He smacked his desk and said, “good, that means there is hope!” I was bewildered and wanted to know what he was going to do to help me. He suggested that, “as I gain emotional healing from whatever my body is pushing down, it will heal itself. He explained that I didn’t even need to dredge up memories because my, “body was telling me it was ready to mend.” There was no suggestion of Gluten intolerance or any relation to my food intake as being the problem, he reinforced that problem was indeed a symptom of something greater. Relief filled my heart because I knew my Jesus was the answer to my years of suffering, I just didn’t know how He was going to do it.
Without my having to do anything different, I found myself having a terrible day. My mindset was melancholy and always looking to blame myself for causing my own problems. This was only partly true, I did indeed react with fear to symptoms that appeared without reason, but nobody ever equipped me with self-care strategies to dismantle lies attached to that fear. On this particular day, I was going to grasp one of the greatest lessons God could offer me, I just didn’t know it until my negative mood got the best of me. In route to my counseling appointment, a myriad of problems arose making me quite late and rageful. When I sat down for my session my stomach was in knots and gurgling, bloated and distressed. I felt the anger over my circumstances and allowed the emotion to take me back to a time when I first felt the same way. As my memory surfaced, I felt like I was re-living the turmoil. I went back to when I was 7 years old, watching my father remove my mother’s name from our house sign. I felt alone and scared, wondering who was going to protect me from him now that she was gone. When I put words to my fear and anxiety, I described myself as being unworthy of protection. I believed the lie that I was worthless. In my adult skin and listening to myself describe pain that I had re-lived since the day of that memory, I desperately wanted to hear an answer as to why.
Daddy did better than answer my question. While in my memory, I looked to my right and saw Jesus crying next to me, with me, just as upset over the lies I believed about myself. Slowly my body, soul and spirit were saturated with tangible peace in the memory as I sat there in my adulthood, looking back. I heard His words comfort me, “I am with you always, even when you don’t feel me, and I will protect you.” I must have sat there for an hour, I soaked in His love and acceptance, seeing myself as that child in the memory without the intense fear. The emotional barometer had gone from crisis to calm and I wanted to stay there and feel close to Him.
I opened my eyes and felt like I was floating. My limbs were relaxed, I was nestled into the pillow cushions of the sofa, and I could not conjure up any feelings of rage, unworthiness or fear. I left feeling protected, even though many moments in between that memory and this counseling session, I had lived similar situations that told me I was unprotected. Somehow, someway, they all lost their hold on my life, and I knew it. The following morning I went to the bathroom without any stimulants, care or concern, it was a natural response to starting my day. The same thing followed the next day, and the next and the next until a week had passed and I realized my IBS was gone.
I went back to the jewish doctor and told him what had happened. He tapped his four fingers together in silence as I described the emotional healing I received in my memory. Slowly he smiled and stood. “This is the beginning of much more for you,” he said. When I exclaimed that Jesus did it, he held out my hand to shake it and said, “I do not recognize Jesus, but your healing will go down in my chart as an act of God.” I hugged him and was hysterically laughing in amazement as I left his office.
I then realized that Daddy was introducing me to the sustained level of His ability to intimately know us, prove His devotion to us and fulfill His scriptures because He can do for us what we can’t.
It is because our Daddy in heaven has already gone before us, that He sets in motion the timing of our restoration to be when we need it the most, and when we least expect it.
For 21 years I walked out in physical symptoms that were founded on emotional distress that no pill or plan could decrease, yet in one moment of truth, of seeing my worth through my Savior’s eyes, I was healed.
I share this because it offers a tangible reference to experiences and how they may occur; our experiences are never wasted, and although some may be painful, it is His job to reveal truth because our freedom is worth death; His death for our life and our death to mindsets that suck the life out of us. Wether a good or bad memory has come to the surface, it can’t take away from the healing Jesus has already done. You and I will always be walking into our healing from experiences we have yet to remember. The past, present and future will each bring it’s own deposit into our redemption. What seems bad isn’t always bad when we realize resurrection power has been there for the taking all along. We can mourn all that has been stolen, but not for stolen’s sake; we can mourn how quickly we forget His promise to be near us when it seems all is lost.
Since my emotional and physical healing that wonderful day, 12 years ago, I pray for others in the same fashion and often witness great manifestations of healing, especially if I have been healed of it myself. Everything that Daddy has touched in my life with healing, was first dealt with on a cognitive and emotional level before an ailment disappeared. Consequently, if I made anything else an idol during my research of healing methods, my symptoms persisted. So a few years back I was praying for healing over many people at a conference and most received relief while I continued to carry chronic pain in my own body. Years of inner healing work up until that point had uncovered many more memories that offered me moments to see where Jesus had been with me, or to focus on why I remained afflicted. I had different stomach issues erupt over time that felt similar to IBS but really only gave me trouble while traveling. I had resorted to using chewing tobacco as a laxative every morning because coffee wasn’t working anymore. This is also around the time when my prudendal nerve began to over fire causing severe burning and stabbing pains in the female region. My visits to the doctor were 2 to 3 times a week, every week and I was losing hope. When I went forward for prayer, a young girl from England laid hands on my stomach. She described my symptoms perfectly and even mentioned that a great healing had already occurred. She declared that Daddy said, “your stomach issues will be healed because you are called to travel.” She laughed and said, “this is all emotionally connected so don’t worry because He already died for that, He promises by His stripes we are healed. Your gonna be doing a lot of traveling.”
I was amazed at the accuracy of her word and excited that my love for traveling had not been stolen just because it stopped for a season, but I’ve got to say, I was really hoping to leave there without vagina pain. Couldn’t I have heard something a little more specific to the issue at hand? Afterall, I could deal with stomach distress any day because I had known it my whole life. The nerve damage became prevalent after my childhood sexual abuse memories surfaced, doctors confirming that my body was ready to heal after years of denial. My source of hope was to believe in the promise of emotional healing to alleviate my physical pain. In my heart however, I didn’t believe I could “stomach the distress” of another UTI, Yeast infection, Bacterial infection, abnormal pap smear, skin rash, headache or muscular pain without sitting in ice baths or dispensing creams and shots. I left the conference less than satisfied and my unbelief gave way to shame for lacking faith, and anger for feeling unworthy again.
I had heard some people at the natural food store describe symptoms similar to my female issues as being a problem with sugar consumption. I jumped on that real quick because I ate candy and chocolate as staple food groups. Instead of being normal and moderating my diet, I stopped all sugar cold turkey and made the whole experience religious by deeming it a fast. The only thing that bright idea did, was heap more condemnation on me if I slipped up and had a milky way. To further berate myself I would “go to hell in a handbasket” and binge on 10 candy bars just to clear out my pantry from temptation, then go pray for forgiveness, get some sleep, wake up self-loathing and armed with personal threats to keep me from falling again. Somehow reminding myself of my sin wasn’t motivating me toward positive change. I was powerless against the sugar demon, so I kept giving in to it.
It wasn’t until years cycled by and chronic pain, muscle tension, joint stiffness, migraines, skin rashes, acne, swelling, fatigue, film on teeth, back pain, bloating, gas, allergies, burping, puffy stomach, burning eyes, insomnia, food cravings, itching rectum, leaky gut, depression, confusion and IBS symptoms returned, that I got a breakthrough. And these things didn’t just show up overnight, many were side effects from prescriptions that Doctors put me on. Because I had pain when walking, sitting, exercising or basically breathing, my shrink tried the anti-depressant route prescribing over 37 different meds in a year and a half to counter my sorrow and cycles of starvation and bingeing. Not one psychiatrist linked my emotional distress and eating patterns to control or childhood sexual abuse, why would they, the spiritual foundation is a threat to the knowledge of a medical system.
Now, I could bring in the details of what truly got the ball rolling to my holistic healing, which was deliverance, but that isn’t the direction this article is going because I want to equip my audience with practical solutions to ailments that mimic some diseases that the medical field claim are “heavy hitters”. Yes, dismantling a demonic stronghold in my life set me up for greater freedoms, but in the very near past I was still struggling with the above list of oppressive discomforts. “Pressing in” for further healing wasn’t necessary after deliverance because my relationship with Daddy became raw, my telling Him exactly how I felt even if it meant sharing my disappointment in Him as a Heavenly Father. The religious guilt I once had to appease a judge, made no sense, so I demanded He prove Himself and accelerate my healing since deliverance intensified my faith for wholeness.
My prudendal nerve over-firing was a big deal, but I found a few specialists that confirmed I was holding body memories at the source of my affliction; my body was holding negative emotions that would release my body of its pain, once healed. I took that prognosis and ran with it. I was deemed to have lupus, lymes, fibromyalgia, chemical sensitivity, chronic fatigue syndrome, inflammation, hypothyroidism, celiac disease and all the emotional side-kicks that those produce; depression, dissociation, bi-polar and just a plain bad mood. The gluten intolerance propaganda was sweeping the media like a brush fire on open hillside, so I dismissed that as being a legitimate scapegoat simply because the world fell for it’s marketing. I cut out all the gluten, sugar, wheat and all it’s friends, but dismissing my barely from my diet didn’t wave the magic wand over my head like people pitched. And as soon as I saw the crap Doctors were saying about gluten intolerance not being curable, I walked away from that scenario entirely. I had my amazing physical healing through a memory, so don’t tell me anything is incurable. I have lived through a medical “act of God” already, I’m betting that Daddy knows more about my body and what it needs than one in a lab coat prognosing that hope is gone. So I pondered the seed that had been planted in my ear about candida all those years ago, and prayed for truth.
I looked up the effects of antibiotic use, which I was on for over a year and the damage it does to your liver. I also researched the yeast fighter, Diflucan, prescribed by my gynecologist, and found it only decreases production of yeast until the next trigger, which came from any food that broke down to sugar. No wonder I had gone in-between UTI’s and yeast infections. I jumped through all the hoola hoops and followed all remedies prescribed to a T for healing, but nothing worked because the agenda isn’t meant to be healing; it required me to strive and follow protocol or else I become my own problem when I mess up. I was not liking the subtle religiosity I had to commit too just to be healed, especially when medicating these symptoms or changing my diet kept me bound to good behavior! So I flushed everything down the toilet, and started arguing it out with Daddy. What the hell is going on here and haven’t I done enough to try to get better? Surprisingly, He agreed, but He asked me if I wanted Him to do something about it now.
So I took my case before the Throneroom, that is, at His feet in heaven and demanded justice. Anybody can do this, so please utilize this strategy. I spoke with Daddy God, Jesus and Holy Spirit about my long history of ailments and suffering and how I had run out of steam. I admitted that I laid down medicine use just to pick it back up again, and that I idolized Doctors for healing me instead of heaven, but come on, give a girl a break! Then I took my complaints, my circumstances, pain and control and envisioned leaving them at Jesus’s feet. I directed my accusation back to its appropriate culprit, satan with all his darkness, and asked Heaven to fight on my behalf. I surrendered my being God, and asked Daddy to give back to me all that the enemy had stolen; my quality of life, my security in a loving Father who cares about me, my ability to trust men, trust others and most of all myself, my innocence, my peace, my athleticism, my writing, my endurance to work, think, create and dance, my dreams and hopes, my life’s call, my finances, my teaching, my prophecies, my ability to travel, my family, my relationships, my entrepreneurship, my capacity to love, my quiet time, my tears, my ability to pray, my spiritual perception and sight, my compassion, my gumption and my joy. Then I told the enemy I was standing firm in my right to receive justice for all the ways he attempted to steal, kill and destroy my life, as well as my cooperation with him because I believed his lies.
I did not break any vows, renounce generational curses, beg and plead to be heard by God, write a huge list, which I almost always did before deliverance, nor did I wait for any answer. I knew better than to apply Scripture like a band-aid because no amount of memorization changed my physical or emotional status before. So I wiped the tears from my face and went about my day, but man what a day. I stumbled upon Doug Addison’s word for the day and had a lift in my spirit as he prophesied that natural remedies long forgotten would become healing agents. Before bed I asked Daddy if the probiotic I used had any effect on my stomach issues at all? I had recently ventured into oils for muscular and joint pain which was helping tremendously and coconut oil added to my diet and hair nightly produced the growth that some medicines had completely stunted. That night I dreamt about using what I know works because, “I had all the resources available to me”, already.
I woke up and recorded my dream and questioned how I would even pay for supplements because they were all so expensive in the past. Nonetheless, I proceeded with my daily routine and came across an ad on the internet. When I clicked it, I saw my list of ailments spelled out, one by one. “You got to be kidding me, I couldn’t have conjured up this much enlightenment myself if I had wanted too”, I screamed out loud. I was laughing my butt off at the fact that Daddy was stepping up His game because I finally moved out of His way. He directed me toward the answers I have always sought and put them in a nice big Easter basket for me because it was my resurrection day!
I took a tally of all the natural supplements and methods I had used with success and pulled them out from underneath my sinks, drawers and pantry. I had quite an ensemble of healing agents that weren’t going to cost me an arm and a leg. I remembered a preacher encouraging me to do the very things that I believed I couldn’t, and I felt excitement well up inside of me for dance.
The first step I took was worship. Since I felt less creative to warm up and dance, I began with a 20 minute jog to praise music. Without my asking, Holy Spirit brought me into the presence of God and I just had to move. My workouts which were discouraged by doctor’s, began to lengthen, sometimes requiring me to stop after 3 hours of dancing. I envisioned teaching children how to move with a blindfold and focus on upper and lower body strength. Daddy was reviving in me a long-lost passion for worship and it became a lifeline of hope. The next thing I did was add tea tree oil, epsom salt and apple cider vinegar to my bath water for 30 minute soaks. I would make memes on my phone or read during my candle lit bath time, but the beauty of this decision was that it broke the fear of making my female problem’s worse and I experienced breakthrough. I no longer had repercussions of yeast because the acid and oil cut down on the cell walls of Candida that gave me rashes on my skin.
If I needed a soap to wash with I chose products like, “ditch the itch” or “aveeno” unscented body wash because of their oatmeal additives. I found a lotion in the baby aisle of Target called “Stelatopia” which removes parabens and unnecessary ingredients. My itchy skin soaked up the nutrients, healing my eczema prone pores.
The supplements that offered me the most relief were strongly suggested by holistic healers who confirmed that Candida was the culprit behind most of my hang-ups, not Gluten, so I began taking Candex. This supplement breaks down the cell walls of yeast and when used in conjunction with a probiotic of over 50billion cfu’s (colony forming units) and 12 different strains, my immune system strengthened. For two weeks I doubled the dose of these and daily felt the grumblings of my stomach and intestine quiet. The bloating, gas, diarrhea, muscle aches and joint pain subsided significantly. I took 300mg of Magnesium every night before bed to stop muscle cramping that often masked as muscle soreness in the morning. And to top it all off, I stopped drinking bottled water that still contained fluoride. I filled my own jugs with reversed osmosis water and added Ph Booster drops purchased from Vitamin Shope to bring the Alkaline levels high enough that my body’s acidity would balance out. Removing fluoride is mandatory for women who suffer with thyroid problems. Many do not realize that soy is also a big contributor to thyroid and hormonal deficiencies.
Finally, my diet had to be addressed. What the Gluten scare has done is equip people with awareness of negative consequences to eating bread and complex carbohydrates, however much of the slant is to lose weight and curb allergies. The obvious objection I have to this craze is that nobody targets the source and origin of our food being pimped out by the government for profit through re-engineering crops which produce toxic agents in our food that cannot be broken down in our digestive tract. That is a subject thick with controversy and a book in itself, so I’ll stick with the basics. An enzyme called Azodicarbonate is added to gluten products, most commonly breads, as an ingredient that scientists have labeled hazardous. The numerous list of allergies spurred on by this enzyme create a surge of patients rushing to doctors for understanding, hence a multi-billion dollar enterprise has erupted. Anyone with undetected history of trauma, psychosomatic illness or Candida, would never benefit from medicating allergies, but this business would suggest that anyone with “multiple problems” is subject to chronic discomfort without the relief they offer. Chick Fil-A uses this enzyme in its bread while Subway paid portions of their profits to remove it from theirs. But that falls in line with the religious spirit beautifully, because Chick-Fil-A also hates homosexuals and closes its doors on Sundays; business can’t be personal unless it profits someone. Religion and business go hand in hand, often at the cost of conviction.
So in fact we do have to stop consuming deadly enzymes, not the bread entirely. When I started the Candex and Probiotic I introduced breads back into my diet without any irritations or stomach discomfort. I eliminated however, some pretty big digestion problems by addressing simple matters. First, I replaced my morning coffee with an espresso coconut water. The acid from the coffee had taken a toll on my stomach lining, which is why doctors had me medicating ulcers. I did not care for the taste at first but quickly adjusted after I started feeling better. The reason coconut espresso water is a good alternative is because of the contained grams of sugar. We tend to dump teaspoons of sugar into our acidic beverage to offset the response on our taste buds, which creates a surge of insulin to our bloodstream and we desire more sweetness. This leads perfectly to the necessity of reducing our sugar intake. Yeast thrives on sugar, making our cravings skyrocket for more of it once it is consumed. For a gut to have existing yeast means it will have an overgrowth with our next serving size of 4 or more sugar grams. Moderation can be introduced if sugar doesn’t exceed 5 grams per meal. This is a safe number, although marginal, to keep your body from sugar spikes, allowing you three times a day to eat trace amounts.
We have covered the enzyme, sugar and coffee which leads us to the sneakiest of all perpetrators; alcohol. It doesn’t matter if it’s vodka, wine or beer, there has to be a new approach to indulging these sugary sabotages. Beer is concentrated with yeast, a huge problem if you actively suffer with symptoms of candida, so make sure if you partake, that you ramp up your veggies and proteins that day. The effects of alcohol besides impairment of judgment, is the direct breakdown to sugar it has, hence feeding yeast cells and multiplying them. This is why most want a piece of candy or dessert following a few cocktails and therefore over indulge.
It goes without saying that one could make all of the necessary adjustments to diet and take care of the physical body without nurturing the emotional side. I eat an avocado every day and my mood swings have leveled out, but it’s most likely because the fat satiates my appetite for a longer period of time. If however, I am eating cleaner and satisfied, I can focus more on the emotional discomfort without heightened aggravation from starvation or binges. The ultimate holistic approach to life was always to see and do everything from relationship with God, knowing that our bodies can worship through each of our choices as we hand Him over harmful things. Everything is spiritual first, meant to teach us how to trust Daddy and ourselves. My prayer is that your personal revelation of emotional and physical well being become your act of worship.