If I love and do not take offense when another cannot love me back, the world says, “I am an enabler”. Does the concept of enabling even come from heaven? I heard a profound message from Dan Mohler about love and how it releases us from looking at any other person except Jesus for it, and then because of that first premise it releases us from expectation of others. The “rub” comes in however when my constant love for another saps my strength and I receive nothing in return. I believe this is why the divorce rate is so high in America, because one sees himself as a martyr, always giving, and the spouse always takes. Have you ever seen those couples split after one puts the other through school? The bitterness from the one who did the sacrificing of self for the sake of elevating the other spouse’s career, is felt tangibly when the topic is brought up. Yet, true love, delivered of all accusing spirits, actually lifts up the others continuously without effort. Unconditional love isn’t giving all of my resources away it’s giving my heart away. If I lift someone else up in hopes of benefiting down the line than that makes me no better than the evil of this world who care only for their own families. True love is not selfish, nor does it bring fear. I’m willing to bet that over half of the relationships out there today exist only out of fear of being alone, not being accepted, or simply not believing that Daddy God’s love is enough.
I guess in the world’s eyes it says I have enabled my parents, children, partners or spouse if I love them even when they hurt me, disregard me, devalue me or take from me, without my needs being considered. Yet, from the perspective of heaven, do I have a right to demand people meet the needs in my life that were supposed to be fulfilled spiritually? “I am hurt, or offended, because my needs haven’t been met by this person”, is a common thought in American brain waves. The real issue is self-hatred and our inability to find our identity in Daddy first before we can move onto others. If I become less and die to my self and see everyone through unconditional love than those closest to me could not hurt me because I know the One who truly loves me.
Repeat:If I become less so that God becomes more, if I die to my selfish wants of recognition for loving you into a better person, if I allow you to soar high above me and become a catalyst for your dreams coming true, if I let you off the hook from being my answer, my everything, if I actually take my frustrations with you over your head directly to my Daddy in heaven, and see you through the Kingdom of Heaven’s definition of love, your behavior, rejection or abuse of me could not hurt me because I know the One who truly loves me.
I’m not saying I have grasped the depth of this yet but it seems far too many people have given up before even trying and I really don’t see fruit in their lives like the Bible talks about. I am highly disappointed when I see certain people rising to the top of ministries who have nothing I admire or want because I don’t feel love from them. Love is tangible and we all know it. I’ve just been let down enough from Christians who claim to have love but really need me to need them for their success that I have determined gaining any glory on this earth isn’t worth it. Can I get an Amen? My mandate that I am curiously pursuing for myself this 2014 is to find out how love can overcome addiction, sickness, abuse, anxiety, psychosis of every kind, hell, I’ll even throw war in there.
I’m concerned that I may not know how to truly love the way that I’m supposed to as defined by the Kingdom. I just have a problem with this tough love approach. I have been a part of some interventions lately which resulted in successful detoxes, but the threat of losing loved ones is what the recovering addicts remember most after they get clean. The threat of being disowned hardly makes a lasting “warm and fuzzy” impression. Instead the shame and blame placed on them is what comes up most in their recovery conversations. Dare I say that a lack of love contributed to their use of drugs in the first place? Absolutely, because someone either revoked it or, kept it from them, or they didn’t have any toward themselves. Rather than make a blanket statement over all addicts, I’ll speak from my own experience. I know my step-brother would have had a chance in life if love was thrown at him instead of demands to get off heroin, or placing him elsewhere to get fixed. From my assessment, anywhere there is a lack of love,it always leads to fear. Fear of living life on one’s own, or fear of infringement on life from another each justify a lack of love. I witnessed my sibling change from a small boy separated from his father into a teenager mourning that loss through drugs.
It is the fear of losing that which we have control over that is our real problem. It’s hard watching a loved one choose drugs, but if I fear his not getting off will hurt me then I have made it about me and not love. I can love him without enabling the drug abuse. I can love him without he having to meet my demands so I can sleep at night. It’s when I protect myself and revoke my relationship with him that I risk losing him forever. Jesus wouldn’t do that to me, He would just wait until I was ready to accept true love. Jesus was never a doormat and neither should we be, but we can learn how to love ourselves by going to Him so that the effects of those closest to us, won’t allow us to be trampled over. Again, not expecting everyone to get this, but the wys of the world that have trickled into our thinking have left us spiritually vulnerable. Therefore, I’m asking for a crash course in love.
Enablement just feels condemning and contorts my mandate to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth. That is what the great commission is after all. I am to be about the Kingdom’s business just as Jesus was. If I know my Daddy’s voice in Heaven then I would hear Him encouraging me to love regardless of religious, theological, or psychological knowledge that give authority to doubt. Our Father in heaven is our biggest cheerleader and He isn’t doubting our ability to transform through His love, He is confident we will! So cast the enabling crap aside. It blames me for another person not taking responsibility for himself. I have never been a fan of an accusation against my good intentions “going wrong”, because “I should have known” of the potential pitfalls. I may be prophetic, but I’m not God. Questions like, “what in you creates drama, attracts problems, attracts crazy people, or causes you to choose the long and hard way?”; have always caused me to take offense and put my fists up to fight back. I imagine looking like an idiot with my mouth gapping open, speechless because I feel like an uppercut just knocked my teeth out. Who the heck says I asked for anything to go wrong, does anyone set out a plan to dig up problems for themselves? On purpose?
I can’t shake this co-dependent, enablement crap of a philosophy anymore. I was a psych major and frankly it took getting delievered to see just how many holes are in psychological theory. The very foundation of counseling is to figure out what “I” as the “patient” did wrong to land up distraught on a sofa seeking guidance from MAN when my issues are first, spiritual, but never considered. I’m sorry, but I did that my whole life to no avail and sought out inner healing which led to my deliverance, all with the hopes that someone would tell me I’m o.k.; to stop placing the result of my love gone bad back on me. I have overcome the sting of abuse and it’s victim mentality, I have overcome being disowned by that same family three different times. I have acquired countless hours of continued education and healing seminars to make sense of why my love for others is rejected, doesn’t make them change, or motivate their own success; all to hear from Christians and the world alike that it’s my fault, or I’ve enabled. So stone me, because I guarantee Jesus would draw a line in the sand to stop the rocks from soaring toward my already wounded body.
We have all placed ourselves in the martyr seat at one point or another, but if we laid that down also, we would see that doing what Jesus would do often causes someone to be outraged. Since when has fulfilling the mandate of the Gospel to love others unto death become another reason for me to be a scapegoat? Sincerell, I’m beginning to believe that after we have done all the appropriate introspection , deliverance and therapy that we still have to return to our first love. Revelation chapter 2 claims that the Lord has this offense against the church:that they lost their first love. I don’t want to lose my reason for living. I can’t afford to get my eyes on others and off of Jesus. I can’t get sucked into the world’s remedies through false control. I don’t want to be a psychologically sound Christian that applys my knowledge to relationships in order to protect myself from getting hurt.
I want to be different, to be radical and the only way to make a difference is to love when it hurts. I have to love when I see nothing for all the love I have invested in someone or committed my time and effort to without a desired result being reached. I want to love the person in front of me, the spouse who cheated on me, the one who abused me, whoever has wanted to see me fail and I want to be able to do it because I know that I am loved from a much greater power then what’s capable on earth. I have been asking Daddy to know how to love for all of 2013 and I find it hilarious that the whole year of praying brought about a “suddenly” response on the eve of a new year. I am tired and weary because I did not love the best in 2013, I expected my love to change others but all it did was lower my expectations of what God could do. Ultimately, I convinced myself that I was going to love others into wholeness. I didn’t have a chance because the Kingdom of God was not my source of strength to love. Daddy reminded me that if I continue to pursue healing and deliverance for others I better not go on believing that it is I who can love them into freedom.
Without love I clang pretty loud demanding a pat on the back from those I invest in, the ones closest to me. Ask anyone who knows me if the lack of love doesn’t push me toward the justification of it. It seems through seeking justice I have loved in hopes of fixing what seems broken when all I really wanted in the first place was intimacy. No, I don’t think Daddy in heaven would call me an enabler at all, I think he would say he loves my attempt to love others as He does in Heaven. I may kick and scream and look dumb to many but enabling is a curse I break off of me from this moment forward I want to love on this earth like Jesus did and I prophesie that will be full of suffering but He has already overcome the pain I’ll live anyway. It’s my declaration to love even if I’m not loved back and to hand the responsibility of reciprocation back to the person who can really take it anyway, Jesus, the greatest lover on earth.