Two years ago I was seeking a purity among believers that would represent to me the miraculous that Jesus walked in. My marriage was struggling and my husband at the time had lost hope in church as an organization, he became frustrated with the politics of religion. We ventured out to a house church and expected a fresh word. The couple running the group spoke of certain sins being un-forgivable and explained how they could ruin your life spiritually beyond repair. I had a sinking feeling come over me because I was already struggling with self-condemnation for hurting my marriage through particular choices. The following day I called the woman who ran the home group and hinted at my believing that I had done the unforgivable. She informed me after I had explained myself, that her husband had been listening to my conversation as well and they agreed to meet with my husband and myself so I could confess. The problem was that my sin was not discussed but they assumed I was speaking of adultery, and I, in my fear of exposure and belief that they knew better than I did about the situation, stopped explaining the details which would have corrected them. I felt judged and inferior and satan had a field day with my thoughts. I believed I was trapped and that if I ever returned to that church they would tell my husband far worse than what was true. So to protect myself I told him that they were not supportive of the things we believed in and he immediately became disappointed and stopped attending church all together.
A ton took place in the spirit realm through that circumstance. Satan strategically used the law as judgment and spoke fear into my thoughts that fundamentally stopped the Lord from being heard in my husbands life. I felt even worse for my attempts to control the situation because I believed that my marriage problems were all my fault. The interesting thing is that I saw this woman a year later at another conference and I found the courage to approach her and tell her that what she understood was indeed not true, and that most of my response was based out of fear. She asked how my husband was and I told her we were going through divorce and she gave me a once-over glance and turned her back toward me. I questioned everything about myself, about their position of importance and how it could and did potentially hurt people weaker under them. I was struggling with feeling small and insignificant. Then a young girl came into the room and this woman tried to have a conversation with her. She asked the girl her name and then went into an explanation for the names meaning. The girl looked at her and said, “so what”, and then turned her back toward the woman. I was stunned. I instantly thought of the scripture that speaks of the amount of judgment you use toward someone is the same measure you will be judged back. I then felt sorry for the woman. I honestly didn’t want her to feel that rejection that she had made me feel.
Fast forward to this years Voice of the Apostles conference and the two years that have past since that incident. I was sick of traveling and only there because I have been prophesied over that I would travel extensively. My pastors helped me out with expenses for this trip which is a new favor that I also have been experiencing. I walked down the aisle of the convention center which is full of 6,000 people and I see her husband. He gave me the classic once-over glance and nodded in response to my saying hello. I went into the bathroom stall and while I was peeing the Lord said for me to find his wife and break rejection over her. I was mid-stream and annoyed of the timing of it all but I hurried up, washed my hands and went back out into the arena. I spotted the husband and then looked around for his wife. I saw her laying on the floor and bowed down next to her. I touched her shoulder and began reciting everything that Daddy was telling me. I remember most of it addressing rejection down from her family line and that restoration was in store for her daughters. She looked up and said she couldn’t see because the light was in her eyes but she asked who I was. I almost reacted in expected rejection but I gave her my name anyway. She sat up and hugged me, starting crying harder and then thanked me over and over again. It was true, I heard from Daddy specifically and she knew it. She brought me over to her husband and took down my number and told him how she had never received a more accurate word in her life. He was not impressed. I guess he was still judging from past experience, but I didn’t care. I actually thought it was cool that I was in the bathroom taking care of business when the Lord decided to speak. By my listening to Him I was healed just as much as she was. I may have believed I had gotten over the rejection by her but I hadn’t until that moment. Through the transference of the Holy Spirit we were reconciled and healed. I made a mental note of the rewards for being obedient. Thank you Daddy!
The conference entailed sessions all day and sometimes we finished around 11pm or later. I was able to minister for the crowd due to my recent activity in India with Global, so I heard incredible words for people and spoke them over their lives. One girl literally reminded me of myself and the Lord said, “pray for her as you have over yourself.” Every struggle that I had that the Lord illuminated I spoke healing toward in her life. She would flow in new waves of tears as I mentioned each new topic and my heart was breaking as I recounted my past and felt her pain. She grabbed me and just held on for minutes. I was undone. The time of ministry was amazing. After about 40 minutes the room started clearing out. The weird thing is that my friend John said I had someone else to pray for and I knew exactly who it was. From the corner of my eye I had seen a man in the back section of seats and I knew I was supposed to pray for him. I approached him and asked him if I could pray for him and he was accepting. I prayed in the spirit because I had nothing to say and sincerely didn’t know what I was suppose to tell him. Then I had a vision of a woman standing next to him questioning his every move. It was his wife and she was not on board with his beliefs but the Lord was in the process of removing the scales from her eyes. She would find a new trust in what he had to say. The man started crying. I sensed that he had a pastors anointing and would be very influential in changing many people’s minds for the causes of Christ. There was much more but I can’t remember everything. When I finished praying he confirmed the exact prayer that I prayed. He had a pastor’s call since he was 11 years old and he just came on board as a Pastor of a church for the first time. He literally said, “that was the word of the Lord that I came to this conference for. As far as I’m concerned that’s all I needed.”
As if all this excitement wasn’t enough, we decided to do what I do best and go into a bar for something to eat. I love eating out but I love invading the bar scene with Daddy’s love even more. I make it a weekly occurence to go into strip clubs, gay bars and pubs to pray for whoever the Lord wants me to bless. This particular night we walked into a pub around midnight and listened for hours to the crowd sing karaoke. There was a particular girl who I told my friends I was supposed to bless. By the time the place was closing I approached her to compliment her. She was obviously upset so I inquired what was wrong. She and her friend had lost the car keys and had no way to get home. I asked if she had a spare at her house and offered to drive her home to retrieve it. She didn’t want to bother me but I insisted that I wanted to make sure they were safe. I fundamentally feel like I am suppose to protect people. I feel that because of my abusive childhood I mistakenly equated taking care of my sisters with making everyone else’s problems my responsibility. The Lord has done tremendous work in my heart to minister out of His strength and let Him take responsibility for other’s, but when He provides an opportunity for me to help, I do it through His leading.
We walked through the torrential downpour to my car in the parking garage and the girls asked if I was a Christian. Maybe the sign on my back window of my car that reads, “Jesus believes in you”, gave it away but her question was sweet. In her statement that followed describing her mom church hoping and her boyfriend being an atheist I immediately knew how to pray for her. Daddy ministered to her anger toward hypocrisy in Christianity and He told her that she was longing for a praying man. I prayed over abuse that she had experienced as a child, all the while she was amazed at how I knew that information. Her friend sitting in the front seat turned around and said, “man she pegged you”. Then I turned toward her and ministered to the pain she experienced from the Catholic church and how she is seeking but her husband isn’t yet He will come around. They were so precious and let me pray for them the whole way back to their car. I was so grateful to have approached them for a word of blessing because so much more came out of it.
The only thing that causes me to question the things I do for the Lord is why don’t I ever see these people again? I travel a great deal now and meet hundreds of people, evangelize to them and never see the majority of them again. Some send me e-mails and up-date me with struggles so I can pray for them, but my heart is to bring people into deliverance from their past mindsets so they can take off with Daddy. I use to mistake their not keeping in touch with me as rejection, but I have sought hard for my deliverance over faulty thinking like that. Now I call them “Holy Spirit moments” and I trust my Father in heaven knows I am willing to answer the call He has on me for such a time as this, it makes me anticipate greater things that I will walk in because I am learning to be obedient in the smaller things right now.
The final day my friends from Global summer school and I went to hear Rolland Baker speak in a separate conference room. He and his wife Heidi started “IRIS Ministries” and have raised the dead, healed children of AIDS and started over 10,000 churches in Mozambique Africa. They have joy that is unspeakable. My friend Suzie got a hug from Rolland the day before and couldn’t walk because the feeling left her legs. Since then she would slowly have to move her legs after sitting for a long time and would need help to kep from falling. It was pretty funny to hear her laugh every time she tried to move and she assured me that I would never be the same if he hugged me. I decided to go for it and approached the pulpit at ministry time to claim my hug. That didn’t happen but a touch from him made us all flail back onto the floor. It was so much fun to just let the Holy Spirit do what He wanted too. We left and a minute later Suzie pointed him out to me. I basically accosted him and hugged him. He held onto me and I felt a surge of energy go through my body and then I fell to the ground laughing hysterically. I could not contain my laughing, it came from deep within my belly. I felt my self shaking my legs in the air like I was riding a bicycle but I could not stop it. For some reason I had to be in motion and leg elevation was my only option because I could not get off of the floor. My friend Connie was trying to get me to look at her camera but that would crack me up even more. Then Suzie just mentioned how laughing hurt her legs and it would start a whole new round of laughter for me. I could hear other people on the floor next to me laughing and I faintly heard a man describing “Holy Laughter” to someone in the background. I was once again, undone.
The final session ushered in tons of healing and I stood up for 7 different words given for specific ailments that I suffered with. In an instant my 10 year long struggle with achilies tendonitis was healed. It had been my prayer to be able to run and bike again and God was so personal in answering that request for me. I have been able to exercise with a new fervency since I have been back home. I had a chance to hang out with a friend from India while at the conference and he has since offered to pay for my visit to Toronto. The crazy thing is that I have been asking the Lord to go there for over two years. Looks like I will be taking another trip in the near future and I’m much more willing now. These experiences helped me to see that prophesies are for us to expect new things with Daddy and traveling is one of the ways He is doing it in my life.